The thin line between life and death

Shreyas Hareesh’s delicate fingers were determinedly pointing out the scars on his legs and arms when his father went over to a group of riders to spread word of his then 12-year-old son.  

Hareesh Parandhaman was desperate for sponsors even on a Sunday morning at the Airlines Cafe in Bengaluru. 

Shreyas, meanwhile, wanted to show off his scars, desperately. He might have embellished some of the details, but he viewed them as a badge of honour. That was unmistakable. 

Hareesh, returning from his ‘Public Relations quest’, knew what his son was up to, and, with the most paternal of smiles, said: “Eh, this boy loves his scars. Bugger isn’t scared of falling at all. He just bounces back and gets on with it.”

This, most innocent of interactions, was nine months ago. Eight days ago, a 13-year-old Shreyas passed away at the Madras International Circuit during the MRF MMSC FMSCI Indian National Motorcycle Racing Championship.

Going into the details of the crash in the Under-19 Rookie (Apache RTR 200) race are futile for it leans into hearsay, and the video - at least the angle which is made public - only provides so much clarity. 

But, one thing is certain, there were at least two bikes in Shreyas’ immediate proximity after he slid and fell at the first right-hand corner. The riders behind Shreyas neither had the space nor the time to stop or avoid him. And, at least one of them would have felt the very tangible bump of Shreyas’ body and helmet under his wheels.  

Terms like ‘mishap’ and ‘incident’ offer cover to those involved, and rightly so, but legally it falls in the category of involuntary manslaughter. That, one should imagine, is not an easy term to live with. 

“It keeps coming back to you,” Naren Kumar tells DHoS. “It goes away to a degree but it never really, fully leaves. It’s not like that feeling only comes and goes when you’re driving either. It happens when you’re going through your day-to-day but as a professional, you try and put it behind when you’re behind the wheel. 

“It’s not your fault, but that guilt…. (he clears his throat) is very real, it lingers,” he says. 

This is Naren recounting a mishap from nearly two decades ago. The multiple-time rally champion’s Baleno collided head-on with a five-year-old boy during the Popular Rally in Kochi in 2004. 

Traumatic as it was, he returned to racing not long after.

In 2019, Gaurav Gill - arguably the greatest rally driver from India - ran over three people resulting in their death at the Indian National Rally Championship in Jodhpur. The villagers literally ran the Arjuna Awardee out of the city. 

Initially, they had booked Gill for culpable homicide, meaning he ‘intended’ to hurt the three people, but once it was verified that the driver had in fact collided with three ‘trespassing’ individuals, they let him off the hook. 

Gaurav Gill winner of K-1000 Rally.

Traumatic as it was, he returned to racing not long after.

“It’s not easy when this is your life, your job, you’re literally dangling between life and death at all times,” says Gill. “These incidents happen, it’s the worst thing, but you cannot always avoid them. This is my livelihood, I have chosen it, so whatever happens in the race, I accept it. We all should accept it. 

“Over the years, I have learnt to switch on and switch off, and fully accept that this is a job. I am not a bad person. I do feel guilt but I also have to feed my family,” he adds. 

Then, he adds in typically Gill fashion: “But if you want to be cautious and drive slowly after mishaps like this, you should stop racing. No offense!”

As desensitised as it sounds, it aligns with the advice multiple-time two-wheeler national champion Rajani Krishnan gave his aspiring biker son. Rajani’s son, a shy 13-year-old, was the closest to Shreyas at the time of the incident. 

“He is shaken up, of course,” says Rajani, who was at Shreyas’ funeral earlier this week. “…but I have seen these things on the track for so many years so it’s easy for me to tell him how to deal with it. This doesn’t mean he stops racing, not unless he chooses to, but I have spoken to him and he’s finally opening up about it. I think he understands.”

There is a hint of uncertainty in Rajani’s tone. The same can be heard in S Raghu’s cracking voice. His son, another 13-year-old, was also involved in the crash. Raghu’s son was the first to see the pool of blood forming around Shreyas. 

“He’s not opening up,” reveals the young father. “He’s speaking a little to my sister-in-law but he’s in shock still. We’re not talking to him about the incident specifically. We’re just there to listen to what he’s going through emotionally.”

Raghu’s son, who was right behind Shreyas during the race, revealed to his father at the pit that Shreyas’ bike wobbled and threw him off the bike, and that he managed to avoid him. “When the yellow flag was waved, we were worried that it was our son, but once he arrived at the pit, we could breathe. But when he came and said Shreyas is not doing well, we were all praying for him,” says Raghu. “It’s tragic. Absolutely tragic.”

Raghu and his family are now discussing if they should allow their boy to continue to race or not. It can’t be easy being the parents of kids who are fond of going fast in a sport where inches separate the living from the dead.  

“…but he told us he has lost all fear now, and he’s 13 years old. He said ‘I’m not scared because I know daddy will take care of me’,” Raghu adds.   

As for Raghu itself? “I saw when he came in the ambulance, that picture isn’t leaving me. I don’t think it will when you have your own kid out on the track still.”

What of Hareesh? “Tomorrow his ashes will be dispersed in the River Cauvery in Srirangapatna,” he says still holding it all together. “We have ceremonies for another week but after that I don’t know what I am supposed to do with my life. We all dedicated our lives to him. God is very cruel. My boy was taken away.

“I don’t get it, he has taken that turn over two thousand times in his career?” he adds.

The Federation of Motorsports Clubs of India (FMSCI) are currently investigating the ‘incident’. But according to insiders, they have determined so far that the death was caused not only because of the snapping of the helmet strap but because Shreyas’ internal organs were damaged as soon as a bike went over him. 

The fact is, the truth hangs suspended somewhere in all the speculation doing the rounds, but it would be prudent to suspend any and all judgement until the FMSCI’s investigation sheds light.

This would not only offer Shreyas and his family the respect they deserve, but also lends empathy to those still living through the nightmare. 

“Fear is not a relevant emotion when you’re racing,” says CS Santhosh, India’s greatest off-roading champion, who has encountered his share of near-death experiences at the Dakar Rally.  

C S Santosh.

“I remember when Paulo Goncalves passed away (in 2020). It was tragic, but the fact is that we signed up to race. It’s part of our identity.

“We do spare a thought for those who have passed on, but we cannot let it alter our identity, our desperate need to race.

“Moments like these teach us empathy and compassion, and also a new-found respect for our own life,” he philosophises. “We are able to live our life to the fullest. We have a gift and we have to live with it.” 

Some, unfortunately, die with it. Morbid as it sounds, that’s the price those in the business of racing are willing to pay. If so, who are we to judge them?!