What’s your pronoun?

Going beyond He and She is a way to tell everyone that you are not going to assume their gender and it is an important move towards embracing real inclusivity, writes Tanisha Saxena

Grace Banu

Vaibhav Modi

Jayant

Aparna Bhatt

Hasheel

“Gender-neutral language isn’t about replacing an old norm with a new one. People have the right to self-determine their gender whether it be a man, woman, or a gender. The goal of gender-neutral language is to get rid of gender normativity, not everyone’s gender,” writes Alok Vaid-Menon in the book, Beyond the Gender Binary.

These days asking for pronouns has become a social standard, credit goes to the increasing cultural visibility of the transgender, genderqueer and gender nonconforming community. In the recent past, evidently, LGBTQ activists and linguists around the world have championed more inclusive language, both by creating entirely new non-binary terms and by retooling already existing words and grammar constructions. And it is not a new phenomenon. In 1851, a very sober John Stuart Mill, the philosopher, complained that the lack of a gender-neutral pronoun forced him to use generic he, which was “more than a defect” in English because it rendered half the human species invisible. And while Mill didn’t coin a pronoun to correct this defect. In the year 1864, a writer identified only as J. W. L. came up with gender-neutral ‘ze’ and recommended getting Noah Webster to endorse his coinage. Cut to 2022, people are using gender-neutral pronouns quite commonly.

It’s akin to verbal abuse

Grace Banu, an activist and India’s first trans engineer from Thoothukudi, says, “Misgendering is an issue in India and especially in the rural parts of the country. It is a kind of verbal abuse for us and we need to protect ourselves from that. That’s exactly where the role of gender-neutral language comes in.

We are a multicultural and multilingual nation and it is very sad that people who claim themselves “progressive” tend to misgender someone. A transperson will go through so much pain just for something as simple as he and she. Moreover, there is a lack of sensitivity and confusion that makes everything more complex and unattainable.

On social media or in the corporate world, it might seem that we are okay with the usage of pronouns but the thing is that there is a large population that lacks the knowledge. Hence, the reluctance to ask the preferred pronoun of the person. There’s still a long way to go!”

Pronouns and gender-inclusive language are important. Today, pretty much like gender-neutral bathrooms and changing rooms at shopping malls, gender-neutral pronouns are sparking a debate, prompting new policies in schools, workplaces and even in prisons, about what pronouns to use.

Misgendering can inflict stress

Vaibhav Kumar Modi, a Kathak dancer and curator of Dark Vibe Society and co-founder of Hyderabad Dance Festival, shares, “Pronouns, though difficult to adjust to initially, make us mindful of others’ sensitivities. They help us in educating people in a non-intrusive way about how misgendering can inflict stress. Now, imagine if you recognise yourself as a male and someone using female pronouns addresses you. Would you appreciate that? Hence, especially for trans and non-binary folks, it is essentially important that they be addressed with correct pronouns. Also, pronouns help to build a non-assuming environment as well. When a person specifies their pronoun, irrespective of them being straight or from the LGBTQIA+ community, they leave no room for the presumption of a person’s gender based on their visual appearance.”

Aparna Bhatt, an independent scholar, writer and feminist digs deeper into the nuances. She begins, “Let’s understand this at the most fundamental level. Pronouns, just like nouns, are an important part of a person’s identity. Language evolves over time and identity is not monolithic either, it’s fluid, multifaceted and complex.”

Power of choice

As our understanding of gender identity is evolving from the binary of man-woman to a broader spectrum, our language must also evolve in tandem. It’s almost symbiotic in that sense. “We cannot endorse and honour various gender identities without accepting the semantic changes. Pronouns are deeply personal and enable us to be seen. We often have no choice over our names, our first marker of identity. However, today we are inching towards a comfortable space where we can choose our pronouns and that for me is extremely empowering. Using appropriate pronouns is the first step toward respecting a person’s gender identity. And at the end of the day, recognising and respecting people as individuals is what it’s all about,” concludes Aparna.

Jayant, one of the co-founders of Queer Nilayam, a support group for the LGBT community, opines: “A gender-inclusive language is a powerful tool for promoting gender equality and eliminating gender bias. In workplaces, it’s a fact that the spaces were traditionally designed for men. It’s important to use gender-inclusive language to make women and non-binary folks feel welcomed.”

Hasheel, a south Asian queer Hindustani classical musician who identifies as a cis queer male feels that it’s a privilege to be cis-gendered. The reason they state is less struggle as compared to the transgendered or gender non-conforming. But Hasheel expresses, “Throughout my life, there are times where I feel more feminine or more masculine. I believe that gender is always fluid to a certain degree. Hence, the need for gender-neutral language arises.” One of the members of Gay India People, an LGBT support group on social media comes up with a rather more curious case. They suggest that there should be an option “Prefer not to say” too. Then it caters to everyone. They share, “Yes, it is hard but much needed not only for just the LGBTQ community but also to remove the patriarchal stereotypes. Why should they always say women’s cricket and refer to just stating cricket team when it comes to the guys? There needs to be a balanced and unbiased terminology. As far as the LGBTQ community is concerned, we need more visibility now more than ever. Even if it feels too much to some, in order to get to normalcy, we need to uplift and promote ourselves now.”

On a similar note, Mumbai-based Gaurav Sinha who identifies as non-binary believes that a person’s pronouns convey their gender identity. Transgender, gender nonconforming, gender-fluid, non-binary, and other LGBTQ+ people use a wide variety of pronouns that affirm who they are. Using someone’s self-defined pronouns respects all identities on the spectrum.