A purrfuctly happy life?

Sexi Saheli is a weekly column of answers to questions you never dared to ask. If something is troubling you and there’s not a soul you can speak to, write to Sexi Saheli at [e-mail].

Dear Saheli,
My aunty passed away because of Covid. She was a wonderful person who gave me only love and the support to be who I want to be. She stood by me through every difficulty of my life. After her death, I inherited her house. The only problem is she also left behind 24 of her cats — she loved them all and took very good care of them. I don’t live in India and I want to sell this property. I don’t care about the cats but I have so much guilt. Would my aunty be okay with me stealing her cats’ home? Help.
Smita

Dear Smita,
Do the cats realise how you are going to destroy their purrfuctly happy life? She should have mentioned them in her will but guess they weren’t that furtunate. Stop feline guilty. Donate them to a profurrsional cat shelter, pay for their comfurt and sell the house of cats. It’s a pawsibility they may even like it there. Your aunt has lived her life, the cats will live all of their nine lives and you must go ahead … and live yours. Meow.

Hi Sexi,
I’m a rock musician in my forties. When I was eighteen, everybody said I had talent and even compared me to Kurt Cobain. I tried very hard to make it. I now sing at birthday parties or weddings. I still have my leather jacket and tattoos but I feel I missed the bus — I don’t think I will ever be famous and rich. My whole life seems like a waste. On some days I even wonder if I have any talent.
Fake Kurt

Hi Fake Curt,
Is this your stage name? Never mind. Stop being Sappy. You’ve come as you are this far. Believe in yourself, hold on to the leather jacket, stroke the tattoo and don’t let minor setbacks drain you. Start composing your own music, make the internet your friend, Google musicians who succeeded in their fifties … and dream of a life filled with sax and rock ‘n’ roll. Your teen spirit is still strong if you believe in it.

Hi Saheli,
In a fight, my wife said I have never sexually satisfied her. We have made up but her words keep coming again and again. I have read on females faking orgasms but she has been doing it for fifteen years. How? We normally don’t talk about sex at home. Every time I look at her now I hear her words. I also don’t feel any desire.
Shekhar

Hi Shekhar,
If the words keep coming, perhaps, your wife will too. Fifteen years is a long time to fake anything, maybe that’s why she likes to moan about it. Jokes aside, you need a class in cliteracy (Google it). After that, ask your wife what she needs and service with lurve. After all, she’s made you happy for over a decade — now it’s your turn to make her smile.