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Is it love actually?

A change in the gender-skewed attitudes to contraception can ensure that men are more engaged in sharing the burden of family planning. That would be the ideal fertile ground, writes Paarth Singh
Last Updated 13 February 2021, 19:15 IST

Sheela Devi (name changed) got married into a landlord’s family in Kalaghatgi in Dharwad district as soon as she cleared her PUC. Apart from her dreams of studying further being quashed, she bore two children in as many years of her marriage, none of which she had thought would happen so early in her life but more importantly, had no control or say in bearing the onus of continuing the progeny of the landlord. “I was quite clear that I did not want a third child. I tried to explain it to my husband about using a method to avoid it but it lead to a fight. Hence I started taking (contraceptive) pills without his knowledge just to avoid the arguments and the brawl that would follow,” laments Sheela.

Sheela may be one of the thousands of women who are aware of family planning but ever wondered why most of our grandparents or great grandparents had children by the dozens especially in the rural parts of our country? Well, seems like copulation was perhaps the only means of entertainment back then. Most of the times, the nocturnal act would end even before the woman realised what had just happened. Being an involuntary participant, she did not have much say in the action that would lead her to yet another pregnancy. That generation may be forgiven for they genuinely were not aware of family planning. The surge in population demanded birth control methods. But then again, the responsibility to guard her fallopian tube fell solely on the lady. Remember the ads run by Doordarshan — Mala D, Copper-T and tubectomy etc., — which gave women the options of contraception? It was much later that condoms were advised for men.

“I have had spouses of my patients asking for an alternative method of contraception that they can use,” says Dr Savitha, a gynaecologist. “Most of them are sceptical of using other methods apart from condoms as they still believe in the notion that they might lose their vigour or develop side effects. When it comes to condoms, many feel it actually reduces the sensation,” she says, underlining the fact that the feelings of women are being suppressed.

Gender roles play an important part in family planning. In homes where the man is the breadwinner, he has a say in all the matters including the number of children and the mode of contraception. According to a study conducted by the National Family Health Survey, female sterilisation is still the preferred mode of family planning with 36% of the couples while male sterilisation was opted by a mere 0.3% of the couples. Girish and Shanti have been married for over five years and live in a joint family. Shanti gets cursed every day of her life for not bearing a child and is labelled as “infertile”. She got tested (on her own) and the results indicated that she was as normal as any other woman. “I could not declare that I was normal and perhaps my husband might be at fault. I tried telling him to get tested. The mere mention of a test severely dented his male-pride and I got these beedi-burn marks near my mouth in return,” says Shanti with tears in her eyes. Her story reiterated the fact that social factors and literacy play an important role in deciding the fate of women.

However, things are changing at least in the urban society where both men and women take an active part in planning a family and the role of using contraceptives is slowly shifting to the man. “I did not want my wife to have any side effects because of the pills, hence I used to use condoms until we decided to have a child. We both took a decision that we will not have another child so I got a vasectomy done. It has been four years since, and I am perfectly fine and enjoying my family life,” says Rajesh, a software engineer based in Bengaluru.

According to a survey by a condom manufacturing company, the usage of their products has increased to 100% in the urban areas while it was picking up at 67% in the semi-urban areas. The female contraceptive pill reported a dip of 43% in urban areas while it was 21% in semi-urban areas. Scientists today are on the verge of developing more contraceptive products for men including a sterilising gel that could answer the lack of contraceptive methods for men.

The need of the hour is to have forums where couples are encouraged to discuss the myths around family planning. An increase in the number of male health workers can be an easier way to propagate male contraception amongst men. While sex education at the school level is mostly found in urban areas, it should be extended to other parts as the youth are the future of our country.

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(Published 13 February 2021, 19:06 IST)

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