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Do not judge your worth based on the marks you get

Ask Your Counsellor
Last Updated 03 May 2022, 08:12 IST

Dear Madam,

I have taken a gap year after Class 12 as I want to retake NEET. I did not score well last year despite good marks in board exams. This year if I don’t get a good rank, I want to be able to move on. How do I ease the process?

Anonymous

Dear student,

It is good that you are prepared to move on if you are not successful. That is the first step in the process of acceptance. It is important to remember that there are many paths to a successful life and many ways to be successful, and if one door closes, another door will open — if we are willing to accept it when it does! So, take stock of your strengths, identify your passion areas, and work on plan B. Don’t let the failure at securing a good rank in the NEET exam define you. There is more to you than this one benchmark. And failure at one thing does not proactively imply failure at everything else. And nor does it make you a failure. Good luck!

***

Dear Madam,

I am Priya, I am a Class 10 student. During exams, the extensive revisions and discussions among students cause me tension. At home also a lot of comparisons happen. What do I do to feel calm?

Priya Raman

Dear Priya,

I think it is okay for you to express your feelings at home and let the adults know that their conversations and comparisons make you feel tense, and therefore, you would appreciate it if they do not compare. Don’t judge your performance based on how many marks you get. Judge it instead on how much effort you put in and the learning you gained in the process. It is important to ensure you take enough breaks, get physical exercise, enough sleep, eat healthy, stay hydrated, stay connected to friends and do something you enjoy as well to recharge your battery. A good way to calm down is to focus on your breathing. Go into the fresh air and take some deep breaths — inhale to 4 counts, hold your breath for 4 counts, and exhale for 4 to 8 counts, hold for 4 counts and repeat. Focussing on your breath takes your thoughts away from other things.

***

Dear Madam,

I have an intense fear of public speaking. I do well in exams but in oral assignments, I get intensely nervous. What can I do to build my confidence?

Rajath L

Dear Rajath,

Fear of public speaking is basically a fear of being judged by other people. It will be very helpful for you to work with a counsellor for a few sessions to help you overcome this fear and be more confident and comfortable in your own skin. This essentially stems from your beliefs about yourself, your need for validation from the external world and the importance that you give to the judgement of others. It is good to address this at your age because it can become a major stumbling block in your ability to live a life where you thrive and achieve your potential.

***

Dear Madam,

I feel lethargic all the time. Even though I know deadlines are approaching, I procrastinate. I lay in bed most of the time after school. How do I change my habits?

A student

Dear student,

Changing habits requires effort. Most importantly it requires you to understand the thought processes that are driving those habits. Procrastination is a behaviour driven by your thoughts and beliefs about your own worth and your need to produce a perfect output which can be stressful. No one needs to be perfect. We only need to be “good enough” and our output needs to be “good enough”. Please speak to a counsellor about this and gain a perspective on this and understand your behaviour. That is the first step towards being able to change it. Good luck!

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(Published 03 May 2022, 08:08 IST)

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