JOIN USLearn to control your thoughts and emotions
Dear Madam,
I am in a relationship with my classmate. We belong to different communities, so our parents were against the relationship. I somehow convinced my parents about it. Of late, he has stopped talking to me for no reason and is indicating we have to breakup. I feel humiliated and sad.
Shraddha
Dear Shraddha,
Breakups are hard for everyone, and in this case probably more so because you stuck your neck out against your family. However, it is important to remember, that a breakup is not a rejection of you. He may have his own reasons for the breakup which really have to do with him and how he processes his world. It is a rejection of the relationship, not a rejection of you as a person. And, therefore, you must not interpret it to mean that you are not good enough! Things happen that we cannot control. The only thing we can control is ourselves, our thoughts and feelings, how we interpret them and how much we allow them to affect us. While grieving the loss of a relationship is normal and results in a big turmoil of emotions, it is important to remember that the emotions will settle, and the river of life will flow again. If you are struggling to understand your emotions and how you should move forward it will help you to seek the help of a counsellor and talk things through. While you may not be able to change the reality of the breakup, you can ensure that you don’t allow it to determine the course of your path going forward. Good luck!
Dear Madam,
When I look at my hard-working friends, I feel that I am not doing enough. I wish to put in more effort but am not able to. Kindly advise.
Abhishek
Dear Abhishek,
The important thing is to want to be hard-working because that is what you want for yourself, not because your friends are hard-working. So why do you want to put in more effort? Understanding that why is important. Find your intrinsic motivation for doing it. Often that intrinsic motivation comes from knowing where you want to go and why you want to go there. If you are taking a trip and don’t know where you are going, then it sometimes may seem meaningless to go on the trip. It may be helpful to work with a mentor, a coach or even a counsellor.
Dear Madam,
My mother was hospitalised recently, and we had to spend all our savings. Also, I have been sacked from my company. So I am without a job and without any earnings. My mother still needs me around to help her out. I am not able to search for a new job either. I am uncertain of what to do. Please advise.
Navya
Dear Navya,
It sounds like you are really concerned about your mother and are ensuring you take good care of her. But you do realise that your ability to care for her is coming at the cost of your being able to focus on finding a job and you are also concerned that finances will be difficult if you do not find a job. Caregiving can be quite emotionally draining on the care-givers and so care-givers must ensure that they focus on taking care of themselves also.
So, make sure you do give yourself permission to take rest and attend to your own needs as well. I don’t know what kind of work you do, but given the current environment do you think it would be possible to explore some work from home opportunities which also allow you to take care of your mother? Or do you think you can request the help of someone from the extended family that can help you with the caregiving so that you can go to work. Remember, that while you are doing whatever you can, it does not mean that you are the one who has to do everything. You may want to reach out to some of the free counselling helplines that will help you talk through your emotions and what you are experiencing.