Work on dealing with rejection at the workplace

You are excited that you are on the team that has been given a high-impact project. But two days later, you receive an email from the team leader stating that you have been assigned to another group for a different project. You bristle as you read the message.

Were you naïve to think that you would be selected to work for the most prestigious client? You should have known that your boss always favours certain people. Shouldn’t you shoot off an email letting the team leader know your disgruntlement? Or should you simply resign from this company?

Hold on. In a blog post of the British Psychological Society, writer David Robson cautions that your “rejection sensitivity” may predispose you to make unwise decisions.

Anna Dorfman, Harrison Oakes and Igor Grossman conducted a large study of over 1,500 participants. Besides measuring their “rejection sensitivity,” using a standardised questionnaire, the researchers also asked subjects how they would respond to scenarios involving typical workplace conflicts.

The researchers found that those who were more sensitive to rejection also exhibited sub-optimal conflict resolution abilities, even after controlling for personality factors like neuroticism and narcissism, which also contribute to poor interpersonal skills. In an article published in Scientific American, Jade Wu claims that everyone is hurt by rejection; however, the rejective-sensitive perceive slights, whether intentional or otherwise, more readily, and react more intensely.

Additionally, brain studies show that everyone’s emotional areas get triggered by rejection. However, for those low in rejection sensitivity, their self-control areas are also concomitantly activated. On the other hand, the cognitive control areas of people who are extremely sensitive to rejection don’t light up. As a result, they don’t exhibit adequate self-regulation when they have been stung by rejection.

Wu also cautions that rejection sensitivity feeds on itself. If you react impulsively when you are not included on a team project, chances of your being included in another project also plummet as your co-workers may perceive you as difficult to work with.

This may only reinforce your view that your employer is unfair, thereby setting up a self-defeating spiral of negativity. Similarly, if you get turned down after a job interview, your cynical worldview of everyone being against you gets reinforced. So, when you are called in for another interview, you are unable to mask your skepticism of the workplace. As a result, you are less likely to get hired, validating your pessimistic outlook.

So, what can you do if you feel prickly and peeved when you experience rejection at work? First, avoid giving into the temptation to react on the fly. Don’t shoot off an email in anger, or call your boss or worse, vent your frustrations on social media. Give yourself time for your hot-button emotions to cool down.

Next, assess the situation with a more balanced perspective. Write down all the possible reasons for your rejection. These could include factors not in your control: a weak economy, more qualified colleagues, people picked randomly, a distracted boss etc.

Talking to someone outside your workplace, to get a less biased perspective may also help. Over time, you need to learn to regulate your emotional reactivity. Exercising, doing yoga, practicing mindfulness and maintaining a healthy sleep routine can help you grow into a calmer and more composed person who doesn’t get easily threatened by everyday pricks and barbs.