During a cloud bust

humour

I was quite elated after a successful talk on cloud computing at a national-level event. My keynote address was received well. Many people congratulated me for my fluent and thought-provoking speech.

As I entered home whistling and humming my favourite song, my wife looked surprised. “How come you don’t have a half-dead look like you have every day?” she questioned. “Well, I gave a nice speech on cloud computing today,” I smiled.

“What is cloud computing?” she asked. A dark cloud cast a shadow on my face. I knew that I had asked for trouble.

“Cloud computing is when you can get access to all computing power and software without owning a computer.” “Don’t they call that an internet café?” she had a sarcastic look.

“No, this is cloud computing, it’s different,” I was not willing to give up. “Why is this called cloud computing? Do they have computers on a cloud? What if the cloud drifts?”

“No, there are no computers on a cloud,” I laughed. “Then why is it called cloud computing?” she was irritated.

“Because it uses multiple data centres across the world and the access can be through the internet,” I tried to explain in layman terms. “Then it should be called internet computing, right? Why is it called cloud computing?”

“Because dear, the internet is on a cloud,” I explained further.

“What? Since when? Is that the reason I don’t get my internet connection on a cloudy day?” “No...”

“Be clear, just a moment ago you said it was on a cloud,” she was getting angry.

“No, please listen dear. The internet is connected through wireless and optic fibre wires that run through the seas. Since we can’t represent all those things pictorially, we connect them through a cloud.”

I knew I was messing up. These doctors, they want everything crystal clear. Why can’t they imagine internet depicted as a cloud?

“Just because you can’t represent something, you call it a cloud? This is ridiculous,” she paused. “You could have called it ‘optic fibre computing’ or ‘under-sea computing’.” What is this nonsense called cloud computing?”

“Well...” words were not coming out of my mouth. “Where is the cloud here? Clouds are unpredictable, they drift away, and they bring rain. Why the heck are you naming it that?” “See honey, since computing is done in a far-off place that you don’t know about, they call it that,” I tried to reason.

“But you can’t see any clouds,” she retorted. “You should have called it ‘invisible computing’ or ‘far-off’ computing, right?” I could not see any silver lining on this cloud.

“And you are beaming like a laser ray after this stupid talk? Cloud computing, I believe!” she laughed. “Imagine us saying ‘Oh! Now we have a cloud cure for cancer, or let us do this surgery in cloud!’ People will stone us.” Sarcasm was all over her face.

“But, today, cloud computing is the talk of the town,” I said.

“So what does this cloud computing do?” she asked. “Well, it pretty much does the same thing that your computers do, but at a lower cost. Since the computing is done at far-off data centres and is shared among many users, it will be cheap.”

“This is ridiculous,” she said. “My dad used to say the same thing when he operated an EDP centre using a mainframe 40 years ago.”

“I can’t understand you IT guys. You give a new stupid name to something that is already decades old or may never work for the next few decades and talk for years on that subject.” She looked disgusted.

“Well...” I whimpered again. I was kicked out of cloud nine in just two minutes.