Tame your mind, lady

WAY TOO DEEP

Some thoughts should never be  devised. Some questions should never be posed. Some emotions only serve to haunt you with grinding guilt. Some events only serve to make you second guess for no good...

Alas! If only you could understand such a simple principle of life... Women spend countless hours, overthinking, fruitlessly, about negative ideas, feelings, relationships and experiences, leading to sadness and even depression. Overthinking is like a mental disease more commonly found in women, as we are more attuned to our emotions than men.

You are bothered about that certain guy who hasn’t yet called you after the first date. You are saddened that your best friend made an insensitive remark. You are upset that a co-worker commented about your incapability.

You are depressed that your loved ones ‘just don’t seem to get it’. Well, negative stuff abound in this world, and positive stuff elusive. But it is essential you train your mind not to overthink, and to remain at least calm and peaceful, if not happy.

When a certain thought persists in your mind, ask yourself what benefit does it serve? “Oh, he will never get back to me after our date that day.” Consider this thought. Well, firstly it doesn’t matter as your life still moves on. But it appears as if you have gotten stuck in the mind’s black hole.

Visualise happy things

So, ladies, the next time your monkey mind begins to conjure up a drama worthy of an Oscar, just remember it’s a mind-numbing habit that actually stops you from leading a happy and peaceful life. Visualisation helps whenever your mind latches onto something from the past it wishes to relive.

Instead, force it to visualise a happy memory: the time you got accolades for something you did, the time you had a lot of fun with friends; even working out the plot theories for an upcoming book in a fantasy fiction series will do, or imagine you are standing at a beach and the waves are touching your feet and going back, time and again...Simply allow your thoughts to sink back into a happy place. Stop losing a part of your existence in the war against yourself.

Pen down mind chatter

In your childhood, you may have maintained a diary to record your daily experiences. But as you grew up, you lost interest in diary writing, as life became complex and hectic. You thought daily journal writing was a waste of time.

However, journal writing does help vent out your emotions triggered by all that overthinking you do. Once you find a release in writing, you will feel you’ve been heard; it slowly decreases the stress that results from overthinking. Worrying about something that cannot be undone or changed is futile. So, simply put all that energy into writing; it will help you heal.

Hear, but don’t listen

Women have loads of thoughts bogging them down, right from what their boyfriends said to what their best friends gossip about them. Plus they over-obsess about the day-to-day happenings in life. Stop being an emotion-junkie when all it provides is stress.

When you consume too much of what’s going around you or what others say or do (or don’t), it causes your mind to unnecessarily dig deeper about the subject. Generally, that’s not bad as you’re trying to understand things on a deeper level, but just try not to let it get to your heart.

When all you can see and feel in life is negativity, thanks to the insensitiveness or plain ignorance on the part of others, try some kind of workout that balances you physically, mentally and emotionally - yoga and dance are known to have that positive effect. It will help you build that resistance from absorbing too much
negativity in life.

Be a positive sponge

Your mind absorbs whatever it encounters, most easily the unpleasant stuff. From the negative comment passed by a colleague to some awful things conjured up in your dreams, you can’t help internalising all the things your senses pick up.

So, for the first few days everytime your mind wanders into the realm of overthinking, catch those thoughts and bring them back by putting in some positive and motivational thoughts. You can do this either by listening to podcasts or You Tube videos or Ted Talks that are inspirational in nature.

Read a book or an article that is informative and gives you hope to proceed in life no matter what. Basically, just take charge of your life and keep yourself occupied with productive activities at all points of time. You must force yourself to be more proactive, and while filtering negative thoughts is one to-do, filling up your head with positive and useful stuff is another.

Do what you love

Switch gears from overthinking to your favourite pastime or hobby. Do what you love to unwind and take your mind off things that make you unhappy or perturbed. Feed a stray dog, if you are an animal lover.

Download all the latest hits for your music collection. Find your coping mechanism; it could be anything: Musicians use therapy of notes to keep away the dark shadows of misery. Writers use their pain to create works of literature.

For most, it’s about finding a distraction from the pain and putting it elsewhere that gives them a sense of satisfaction.

Understand the pattern The organisation of a woman’s brain is such that it allows for overthinking. So, ladies, your thoughts aren’t isolated from one another; they are woven together in an intricate network of associations. And that network is hyper-active, causing you to overthink. It is a silent enemy that kills you and chips away at every shred of
happiness that you may come across.

Just accept that you are built this way. And that’s okay; it might even be a boon many a time. But you’ve got to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand and depress you.