How to survive the hardships of long-term love

No matter how long you’ve been together, there is ebb and flow in a relationship.

Ennui, frustration and everyday irritations can douse the sparkle between you and your companion. It’s not diamonds and flowers that make an alliance remain as warm, affectionate and intimate as it was at the start. On the contrary, it’s the little things that count.

When the bonding between two individuals is concrete, the rewards pleasure, trust, affection and support – will escalate. Vow to start making an effort today. It may not always be convenient, but it is essential.

n Appreciate your partner: If there’s something you admire about your better-half, from the way he or she prepares meals to how well the home has been cleaned, speak up. Compliments act as a reminder of the affinity and gratitude you have towards each other.

n Stop the blame game: It’s tempting to accuse your partner when you feel annoyed, dissatisfied, fed up, betrayed or stressed out about your relationship. Stop thinking that it is only your mate who must change for the relationship to improve. This puts him or her on the defensive and casts you in a negative light. Result? Nobody changes or takes responsibility. Both sulk.

Here is the real fix: Change yourself. When you address your own flaws and seek the best in your companion, magic happens, optimism flourishes. Your spouse feels better because he or she feels acknowledged, not chastised. And you both feel enthused to change in ways that lead to harmony.

n Conflict must be constructive:Friction is a normal, even healthy, in a relationship. What matters is how assertively you put forth your views to mutually arrive at a conclusion. With the right attitude, discrepancies can become a doorway to deeper understanding. First, steer clear of denigration, dissension and antagonism. They do nothing but fuel the fire. Unhappy couples have countless long and thunderous quarrels and are constantly on the defensive mode. Happy couples, on the other hand, verbalise their issues calmly to keep arguments from flying off the handle.

n Pick the right time: Avoid potentially serious conversations when both parties are not well rested and fed. Hunger and fatigue can unleash spiteful remarks and off-putting thoughts. Don’t ever try to deal with sombre marital issues if you’ve got one eye on something else. Turn off the TV and put away your phone or laptop. If you’re distracted or aching to head out the door, choose another time to sort things out.

n Touch each other: Human touch promotes the release of feel-good endorphins, for each spouse. Even men need to be hugged, kissed and felt physically. So hold hands when you’re walking and make hugs and cuddles a habit.

Revive the ways you touched in the initial days of the relationship – a kiss behind the ear, running your hand through your partner’s hair. Sensual intimacy is extremely important to make your relationship a persistently evolving, wonderful
journey of exploring and celebrating each other.

n Promise unwavering support and time: Support your partner through hard-hitting times. Take his or her side whenever possible if turbulence arises outside the marriage. Don’t let anything interrupt your time together. That’s what voicemail and bedroom door locks are for. Make a commitment to spend up to 30 minutes a day chatting with each other about everyday plans, goals and yes, dreams. Be vocal about your likes and dislikes. Preferences vary over time. Solidify your friendship ensuring a closer, alluring union.

The trifecta of a fulfilling relationship — passion, love and attachment — can seem indescribable, but definitely not impossible. Relationships that work are the ones that are worked on vigilantly. Every successful marriage needs the participation of two dedicated adults. There are numerous benefits to your emotional health and overall well-being when you are part of a fulfilling lifelong partnership with your cherished one.