Women assert their rights at marriages

Twenty-five-year-old Raja Randhir Kumar, a probationary officer in Andhra Bank, would not have dreamt of being thrown out of the wedding mandap (where marriage is solemnised) by his would-be wife, that too after the jaimal (exchange of garlands). But this is exactly what happened when the bride, a final year B Tech student, came to know that the groom had demanded an SUV, or to be more precise, a Scorpio, before the wedding. Much to everyone's chagrin, the girl kicked and shoved the groom before calling off the wedding.

Call it a silent social revolution or woman's empowerment, but more and more girls throughout Bihar are refusing to marry if they come to know that the groom has made an unreasonable demand for dowry.

Take for instance the case of Dhanmanti of Danapur in Patna district. All dressed up in her bridal finery for jaimal, she was waiting for the auspicious moment to arrive when she heard some commotion at the wedding venue. Her father had kept his pagdi (head gear) at the feet of groom’s father, pleading that he won’t be able to give the dowry amount as sought by him. He pleaded that his financial inability should not come in the way of marriage being solemnised. But neither the groom nor his father were ready to budge. Humiliated over her father’s insult, Dhanmanti called off her wedding, lodging strong protest over dowry demand.

Later, Patna District Magistrate Sanjay Agarwal, after coming to know about the incident, felicitated the girl with “Prerna-doot samman”, a symbolic felicitation for serving as a source of inspiration for other girls who prefer dowry-less marriage. Dhanmanti was presented a citation and a cash award of Rs 5,100. Besides the Madhya Bihar Gramin Bank was asked to provide self-employment loan to her father who is a daily wage labourer.

These type of stories have started to pour in ever since Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar asked, a few months back, the prospective brides to shun those boys who demand dowry. “Just don’t attend the wedding function in which dowry has been demanded. Simply boycott such persons,” Nitish said, stoutly arguing how dowry will be his another pet theme after imposing prohibition.

More than a year after he imposed prohibition and spread awareness aboutill-effects of liquor consumption, prospective bridegrooms in rural hinterland too have started to call off wedding if they find their would-be-husbands were drunkards in dry Bihar.

This was evident in Buxar district where a 24-year-old groom Bittu Pandey had to return to his ancestral home in Rohtas unwed. Reason: The bride, during the ongoing marriage rituals, found him in an inebriated condition. Immediately, she informed her parents how the groom, under the influence of liquor, was stammering and unable to recite the marriage hymns – a ritual followed shortly before sindoor-daan (where the groom applies vermilion on bride’s forehead).

“He is drunk and can’t even stand properly. I won’t marry him,” the bride told her parents, before leaving in a huff from the mandap (stage where marriage was to be solemnised). Though the groom's side tried to persuade the girl and told her that jaimal (exchange of garlands) had already taken place and only sindoor-daan was to be performed, the bride remained adamant and made it clear that she “can’t marry a person who was already wedded to liquor.”

This was one of the many such instances in rural Bihar where a bride took such a stand. Last year, a bride called off her marriage minutes before the jaimal ceremony was to take place at Naugachia in Bhagalpur district, around 300 km from Patna. The bride, Preeti Lata, a teacher at a government middle school, was on the stage with garland when she  realised her would-be husband was reeking of alcohol. She developed cold feet, threw the garland on the floor and ran towards her make-shift room, thereby leaving all the guests stunned.

“I cannot marry a drunkard, who has shamelessly consumed liquor even before the wedding,” the intrepid girl told her father Ashutosh Mishra. Preeti’s stand drew wide appreciation from her other relatives but left the groom side red-faced.

She sought forgiveness from everyone for bringing disrepute to the family but reiterated that she cannot compromise on certain values.

But it’s not only dowry and prohibition because of which marriages have been called off this wedding season. Some of the reasons are hilarious. One such strange incident took place in western Bihar when some friends of the groom dirtied the saris of bride’s relatives. The friends were playing pranks and throwing food at each other. The bride, a fashion designer, got infuriated over the rustic behaviour of friends of the groom, who was an MBA. Within minutes, she called off the wedding, citing ‘incompatibility’. The baraat had to return without the bride.

But the most hilarious was the incident at Bhagalpur where the bride’s family assaulted the groom's side for missing out a photo opportunity. The bride’s family had asked the groom to arrange for videography of the wedding event. The failure of groom’s family to bring along a video camera led to a major brawl in which three persons were seriously injured. The local police had to intervene to set things right. One can’t recall any such marriage season in Bihar in recent times where the grooms in large number got a feel of true ‘woman power’.