Showered with money

I seem to have become a global citizen. It is because I’m being contacted by so many. From IMF to Microsoft to Coca Cola to the family of a Kenyan minister killed in a road accident to Lloyds Bank in the UK to ATM Swift Card Dept to the United Nations Association of the United States to the Custom Department of Thailand to the UN cyber-security dept to the one of the largest private foundations in the world.

All these people/firms want to offer me money and the offers run into thousands of dollars. Wonder how they found about my financial insecurity.

Raymond Taylor, a trained economist, as he calls himself, the only son of the last wife of the former president of Liberia, who was asked to step down, wants to distribute his father’s $ 600 million kept in a safe box, and he is kind enough to offer me a share. Taylor is now in political asylum in some African country, but he will contact me if I give him my phone number.

Prince Al-waleed bin Talal — a philanthropist, CEO and Chairman of Alwaleed Philanthropies, a charitable foundation, one of the largest private foundations in the world, chairman of Kingdom Holding Company, whose investments range from luxury hotels, and media such as News Corp and Time Warner — believes strongly in ‘giving while living’. I’m one of the lucky individuals, as he says, who will receive $ 1 million with a condition that I should spend this money on developing communities, providing disaster relief and supporting women and young people in my community. I’m sure I can spend a part of this benevolence on myself too.

Even as I was digesting this, a namesake of Al-waleed bin Talal contacted me from Saudi Arabia. Is it a coincidence? Maybe. This Talal is worth $ 32 billion. He is looking for a reliable person and he found me after an extensive online search. Wow! I must tell my wife about my reliability. Well, Talal wants me to help him ‘to achieve a great positive change in the general welfare of the universe’ by using his wealth. I’m also free to use the money to enhance the standard of living of as many people as I can. After all, charity begins at home, and I can begin with the enhancement of myself.

A critically ill Mrs Victoria Robertson has contacted me from her sickbed. She is the widow of a wealthy businessman who has left behind three million euros and is willing to donate a part of it to me. She has asked me to contact her fast because her days, as she says, are numbered.

Tony Burk, CFO of Lloyds Bank, United Kingdom, is willing to ‘work with me to get rich’ with a deposit by a customer of his bank who is now dead with no nominees. He needs to be contacted.

The cola that cheers has cheered me with a winning notification. An email address computer ballot lottery draw held by Coca-Cola has made me richer by $ 5,00,000. Don’t believe it? 275-189-CO-657-23-05 with serial number 8756- 05 is my lottery number that fetched me that prize in a ‘ random selection’, says the mail. How to claim the prize? Simply contact the ‘claims agent’, Mr Snord Sidwell.

Breaking news: I am the first-category winner in the Microsoft email electronic cash sweepstake organised by Microsoft Corporation, UK that has made cash reserves swell by 8,45,000 British pounds.

I was wondering what to do with so much of money when the Europe- based loan/investment-facilitating company, the Global Investment Development Authority (GIDA) offered to help me. I have to work out the details.

PS: All donation seekers, keep off. No charity, please.