What if…you were not a woman?

Krishna Kumari reflects on the gender bias embedded in our everyday life

Yes, this was the question I was trying to ask a few women for an upcoming podcast episode. What if you were not a woman? Would you be doing most of what you do now? Well, this was not my actual question. I started off by asking to what extent gender plays a role in their home life. When this question was posed to women in their mid-thirties and above, the answer was predictable. It was about the significant load they carry in terms of running the home and managing the kids, helping with their studies, taking care of elders. This, without compromising on their responsibilities on the job front. When I asked about the role of gender, to married women in their twenties or early thirties, I was very happy to hear a different story. This, despite the fact I was meeting just a few of them, and hence not a representative set. They talked about sharing responsibilities equally with their husbands. They gave examples ranging from doing chores around the house together to equal financial contribution in running the home and more. But something was amiss. I probed a bit more about who does what in the house — then slowly, justifications started appearing into the conversation. I heard points about how the chores are split based on what one likes to do or what one is better at doing as compared to the other person. There were enough examples of this kind ranging from who cooks most of the time to who does spring cleaning to who runs around to get a leaking pipe fixed.

If you quickly tried to reflect on who does it in your house you may also get a gender picture. Or maybe, in your house also it is influenced by who is good at what! That is when I posed the question differently.

What if you were not a woman? Assuming you have the same skill set and preferences, would you be doing most of what you do now? There was a pause, some hesitant thinking and then slowly, the subtler points started coming out. The gender bias embedded in our life started showing up one by one.

First, in terms of how others in the larger family and the people around us convey this through a remark here, or an action there or sometimes even in a nod or a gesture.

It took some time to examine and start discussing how these play in our own minds and how these influence our actions. What would your day look like if you were a man but still have the same skill set as you have now? Would you then realise the assumptions you have made about your role, what you must do and why you do it? We decided to stop the recording and to continue the discussion for some more time. It was a nice exercise.

How about you? Are you ready to participate in this thought experiment?

(The author is the host of a podcast that examines challenges faced by today’s Indian women & proposes actionable strategies set in the Indian context.)