Vishal Dayama in the Swiggy office.
Credit: X/@Swiggy
Humour on the internet is one of the many ways companies try to market themselves. Food delivery and quick-commerce brand Swiggy is no exception to this.
And so, as the country celebrated the arrival of a new year, Swiggy decided to hand over its X accounts to writer and internet celebrity Vishal Dayama, who reported these record orders with a touch of humour. Here are a few of the hilarious posts he made:
He actually took over, no joke
When he initially posted on X from his own account, most people might have thought it was one of his jokes. Turns out it actually wasn't.
In his post he wrote, "guys mujhe founder ne aaj ke liye Swiggy ke account ka password de diya hai. inke social media manager aur baaki employees ki fat gayi hai. sui dhaga milta hai kya instamart pe?" (Guys, the founder has given me the password to Swiggy's accounts. Their social media manager and other employees is now scared. Do we get needle and thread on Instamart?)
This was followed by a retweet of that post from the swiggy account to confirm that he actually took over, saying, "sahi mein de diya hai password mazak bhi nahi kar raha. dekh lo proof. kisi ko kuch order karna hai toh batao? agle dus order meri taraf see." (They actually gave me the password, I'm not even joking, see the proof. If anyone wants to order anything, tell me? Next 10 orders are on me)
Well planned Bengaluru
Speaking on orders from Bengaluru, Vishal said on the Foods account, "bangalore leading till now with most orders, ye koi mba type log lag rahe hain abhi se planning start kardi hai" (These seem like some MBA type people, already started their planning)
What data? Who cares? Only partying is important
Vishal noticed that there was an order of chips and snacks from his home. Someone starting a party without him perhaps?
"guys mere ghar abhi chips namkeen ka order hua hai. lagta hai mere bina party start kardi hai biwi ne. aur karo shaadi shaadi alhua shaadi" (Guys, someone has placed an order of chips and snacks from my home. Seems like my wife has started the party without me.)
When the data guys told him to tweet numbers, he said "ye data wale keh rahe ki 2.21 lakhs chips order ho gaye abhi tak, ye tweet kar do. toh kya karoon main? abey bhai mere bina party chaalu ho rahi hai aur tumhein chips ki padi hai." (These data guys are telling me to tweet about the 2.21 lakh orders of chips until now. What do I do with that info? Brother, the party has started there without me and you're worried about chips.)
Kolkata biryani with no potato? That's just a Lucknow biryani
Noticing a peculiar order, he wrote, "kisi ne calcutta biryani mangwayi hai aur instructions mein daala hai no aloo. bhai fir lucknow biryani mangwata na." (Someone ordered a Calcutta biryani and then asked them in the instructions to not add potato. Brother, you should have just ordered a Lucknow biryani then.)
Take some rest Gukesh!
Speaking on another order, he said, "ek bande ne instamart se abhi ek chess board mangwaya hai. gukesh bhai ruk bhi jaao aaj toh enjoy kar lo." (One guy on Instamart has ordered a chess board. Gukesh brother please stop, enjoy today at least.)
Turns out it was Swiggy co-founder Sriharsha Majety who ordered it.
"oh @harshamjty ne mangwaya that," he posted, with an image of them playing chess.
Burgers and nothing else?
Commenting on the number of burgers being ordered, he wrote "ye sab log burger hi kyu kha rahe hain, abhi tak 116099 burger orders hogaye hai, tum logo ko kuch aur khane ka idea nahi aata kya??" (Why are all these guys eating only burgers? Up till now, 1,16,099 burgers have been ordered. Don't you guys have other ideas for your meals?)
Kochi back in IPL?
Speaking on the orders from Kochi, he said, "kochi ordering more than lucknow tonight. lagta hai inki cricket team ka comeback karwana padega."(Maybe we should help their cricket team come back).
Something spicy on the cards?
When another order caught his attention, he wrote, "raatke ke 8:15 baje kisi ne handcuffs aur blindfolds mangwaye hai. mujhe toh likhte hue hi sharam aa rahi hai ye tweet." (Who orders handcuffs aur blindfolds at 8:15 in the night? I'm feeling shy just writing this down here.)
Bengaluru's new year giftings
After getting the stats on the orders, Vishal wrote, "1,54,254 people from bangalore ordered food for others tonight. hoping these are not COD"
India is not for beginners
Noticing more orders, he tweeted, " ye 10 gharon mein maggi aur almond milk sath mein order hua hai? arrange marriage hui thi kya?" (10 homes have ordered milk and maggi together? Did they have arranged marriages?)
He then added, "India is not for beginners. 10 logon ne lighter aur agarbatti aur 11 ne rose aur pedigree bhi order kiya hai" (10 people have ordered lighter and agarbattis together, while 11 others have ordered roses and Pedigree.)
To grape or not to grape
Commenting on the viral news year's grape trend he posted, " ye rahe aaj ke top 5 trending searches: milk, chips, chocolate, grapes, paneer. tum log kitna bhi grape grape karlo agle saal tumhara katne hi vala hai" (No matter how much grape-grape you do, the next year will still be bad for you.)
Swiggy is speed
Learning a stat from the data guys, he wrote, "just delivered chicken biryani in 164 secs in nellore. bhai ne darwaza kholne mein usse zyada time laga diya." (Brother took longer than that to open the door.)
Party with delivery guys
Commenting on another quirky stat, he said, "ek mahaan insaan ne aaj 50 alag alag orders kare. ek saath hi saara karleta bhai. itne log bula ke unke saath party karni thi?" (One amazing person made 50 separate orders today. Could have done it all together brother. Did you want to party with all the delivery guys?)
Can't 'deliver' girlfriend, can give lollipop
When a user asked, "Mere pincode par ek girlfriend deliver kardo" (Could you deliver a girlfriend to my pincode.), Vishal wrote, "ye sab yaha nahi milta. par lo chalo late night fee hata di hai, ek lollipop order karlo" (You don't get all this here. But alright, we've removed the late night fee. Order yourself a lollipop.)
Vishal, signing off (Or being kicked out?)
In his final post on the handle, he wrote, "security bhai ne bola nikal jao ab, humare bhi happy new year scenes hai" (Security brother told me to get out now, he has plans for a happy new year too.)
Indian quick-commerce platforms saw the most single-day orders as the nation rung in 2025 with a bang -- literally in some cases.