By Mohua Chinappa
Procreation has been given a very high pedestal in society. The blatant message is that, however much as a woman you achieve academically, you are not good enough till you produce a child. Therefore, with this conservative mindset, if a woman decides to go against the prescribed narrative, and chooses to have an opinion or a say about her reproductive health and rights, it will be accrued as being defiant and an act of rebellion, which fundamentally goes against the principle of womanhood. A family just can’t be a childless couple. In scenarios where a woman chooses not to reproduce, she is considered to be lacking in the virtues of being a good woman.
The theory is that “uncontrollable girls” can’t nurture homes. Also, such radical, independent thoughts reflect not only poorly on herself but on her entire family. This fear of judgement is stuffed into the minds of most young girls, who don’t dare act differently in fear of slander that they can pass on to their parents and siblings.
There is no personal agency of a newly-wed woman’s body. It is naturally extended to her husband, in-laws and sometimes in larger set-ups, also the uncles and aunts, who have a say in the matter of her reproductive decisions. This is considered a natural consequence of being married into another family and is not frowned upon or even considered unnatural. It is not viewed as a violation of a couple’s privacy. The only thing that remains private in a woman’s marriage is her husband. Rest is open to public scrutiny.
In India, access to healthcare is not equitable. Quality medical care is privatised and it therefore remains unaffordable to many. As for the government-run hospitals, they often lack the resources and medical expertise, with senior doctors unavailable round the clock to attend to a patient. So women wait hours on end while in complicated labour and pain. Her family caregivers barely have the sensitivity, as they feel they too have gone through the fire of tenacity to tolerate discomfort and discrimination. So, why can’t she?
Most people argue that the biological clock is an indicator of a woman’s ability to cope with distress during childbirth. So the younger the woman is, it is naturally easy for her body to have high tolerance for challenges. Also, she is far more gullible to be brainwashed into the patriarchal system, that silently reiterates the exalted status of motherhood. She is shown how she will be valued by her husband and her in-laws post-childbirth, with the terms and conditions written in italics, that the acceptance will be stronger if her offspring is a male child.
Many argue that the birth of a child can bring a family closer. The aunts and uncles proactively get together in this joyous moment, making the young mother feel loved and appreciated. But it is seen, in many cases, that in the celebratory mood, often the mother is forgotten to be attended to, as another individual, beyond her child. Very quickly, her status changes as she is viewed as the omnipotent mother, who is now no longer a mere woman but a goddess. Her health concerns are pushed aside like a heap of extra salt on the plate of delectables.
It is taken for granted that if she has had a child, she must be immediately feeling love, and motherhood must be gushing from every pore of her being. It is overlooked that many women suffer from severe postnatal depression, health complications, lack of sleep and also poor nutrition.
Urban India has only recently woken up to mental health issues, especially post-pandemic. Before that, mental illness was considered a taboo subject.
Despite the little changes and openness that have begun in conversations around mental health concerns, women to date are ashamed to admit that they feel sad about losing their pre-motherhood taut bodies, the lack of sex drive, feeling left out from work promotions and sleeplessness.
In a few homes, where one is allowed to share thoughts differing from others, postpartum depression is addressed, which is a minuscule number. According to a recent report by the World Health Organisation, 56 million, i.e., 4.5% of Indians suffer from depression and another 38 million i.e., 3.5% of Indians suffer from anxiety disorders. In this data, about 22% of mothers in India suffer from postpartum depression.
Untreated, postpartum depression, can last for months or even longer. Sometimes it becomes an ongoing depressive disorder. Mothers may stop breastfeeding. They can have problems bonding and caring for their infants. Such women are at a higher risk of suicide.
In many homes, women shrivel in silence even to date on their issues of motherhood and fertility. We therefore owe our grandmothers a humongous apology. They did not have any agency over their reproductive health and lived their entire lives going through the cycle of giving birth to multiple children, without a say in the matter. One shudders to think about the unaddressed consequences that our grandmothers have endured forever. Children are only one part of a woman’s life story, there are books to read, places to travel and different coffees to savour, and time is a precious commodity.
(Mohua Chinappa is a poet, and an author. She is part of a London-based non-profit, award-winning think tank called Bridge India.)