The revelation

An emergency meeting in Vaikunta. MahaVishnu is glancing hurriedly through the papers, reclining on Adishesha. Mahalakshmi watches him nonchalantly. She is contemptuous of the whole exercise. He clears His throat and begins: “Members of this Board, we are facing the worst crisis today, but we shall overcome.”

There is vigorous clapping. The people on earth hear loud thunder.

Vishnu continues: “Of all the obstacles I have faced, this is the damnedest. Nepal has claimed that Ayodhya belongs to them. I believe I am a Nepali.”

Adisesha hisses angrily. Vishnu continues: “My consort therefore suggests that we call witnesses to prove that I am an Indian, a Hindu, a Kshatriya and a descendant of the Ikshwaku dynasty.”

The first witness is a very ancient man with a long beard and piercing eyes. He speaks with conviction.

“It was I who wrote your story,” he says with unconcealed pride. “Let them dare change my text!” Vishnu nods in approval, but Mahalakshmi interrupts: “Just because an author writes some drivel, does that become the truth?”

Valmiki is livid with rage.

“Madam, my divine powers tell me Ayodhya was in India. And that you travelled southwards in dense forests to be abducted by the king of Lanka. They will next say you were taken to China!”

Mahalakshmi is unperturbed. She has photographs from NASA showing a mysterious bridge underneath the ocean on which Her husband had walked from Rameswaram to Lanka. She also has the most invaluable witnesses yet to be produced. She requests Vishnu to hear their evidence

Two British residents walk in, impeccably dressed. They speak with authority.

“We are representatives of the renowned mining company, John Taylor and Sons. We came to India in the year 1871 hearing that mysterious reserves of gold reefs ran under the ground in the princely state of Mysore. We obtained a contract to mine the gold.”

Vishnu turns to His consort: “What are they trying to prove?”

Mahalakshmi smiles. “I had a boon that mother earth would turn to gold wherever my feet touched her. During our 14-year vanavasa, you may remember that our last lap was the Kishkindavana in the south where I walked and turned that land to gold. Our honoured guests from England landed there in Kaliyuga to steal it. If this court wants further proof, here is today’s map of Karnataka. Look at this hill temple near Kolar Gold Fields, called Seethamma Male. My idol still resides there!”

Amidst thunderous clapping, MahaVishnu collapses, completely shaken by this revelation.

“Send an emissary to Nepal at once,” He commands. “And tell them I am a cent per cent Make in India” product.