Memories of a dead sweet-heart

Last Independence Day, I turned 98. Being aware of my state of health, the chances of my continuing writing my weekly columns appear bleak. I have been writing my bi-weekly columns for over 70 years without a break. The truth is that I want to die.

I have lived long enough and am fed up of life. I have nothing to look forward to - whatever I wanted to do in life, I have done. So what is point of hanging on to life with nothing whatsoever left to do? Then only in relief I can think of is to recall memories of past sweet-hearts.

I recall an Urdu couplet:
Raat yoon dil mein teree khoyee yaad aaee
Jai sey veeraney main chupkey say bahaar aa jaaye
Jaisey sehroon mein hauley sey chaley baad-a-naseem
Jaisey beemaar ko be-vajah qaraar aa jaiey

Tonight your lost memory stole back in my mind
As spring sneaks into the desert waste
As softly blows gentle breeze
As hope comes to sick man
Too sick to hope for life.

So what is the treatment for someone sick beyond hope?
For the body like a corpse
Recall memories of a dead sweet-heart.
Have the last laugh
During vacations some college boys from South India came to Delhi. They rented a taxi for sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardarji and boys being boys, they began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to tease the old man. To their surprise, the old fellow remained unperturbed.

At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid the cab hire charges. The Sardar returned the change and he gave each one of them a ten rupee note extra and said, “Sons, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in bad taste. Still, I don’t mind because I know that you are young and are yet to see the world. But I have one request. I am giving you ten rupees each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this or any other city.”
The friend continued, “That ten rupees note is still with me. I couldn’t find a single sardar begging anywhere.”

Sikh contribute:
*33% of total income tax
*67% of total charities
*45% of Indian Army
*59,000 +Gurudwaras serve langar, free of charges, to over 60 lakh people every day!
And all this when they are only 1.4% of the total Indian population.
(Contributed by Vijendra
Gupta, New Delhi).

Letdown
My body rattles// made of bamboo shoots tied with splinters.
If a string snaps// or a knot gives way,
the body’s frame// will fall to pieces.
Poor soul!!
It had mistaken// my body for a flute
and had entered// to play a melody.
(Gulzar in Poets International)
Hike in power tariff
In this season of sweltering heat
My dear wife and children sweet
I hope you willn’t mind
If I leave a few tips behind:

It is much better to brood in the pitch dark night
Than switching on your bedroom light
Learn to sweat out like a stoic most patiently
Rather than switch on the cooler or AC
Go and sit under a shady neighbourhood tree
And revive the ancient culture of your country
And finally to conclude this part of my will
Keep by your bed-side a strong sleeping pill
And avoid running up a hefty power bill
For, whether it is the beginning of the month, middle or the start
You ought to be stingy and smart
For, balancing the household budget has become a rare, fine art.
(Courtesy: Kuldip Salil, Delhi)

Gravitas

Banta Singh badly wanted to be known and remembered as a Great Man... So after a strenuous research he made a new addition to ‘Newton’s Law of Motion:
“New Theory of Motion”.. which says:
“A loose motion can never be done in slow motion!”

Good exchange
Banta: I got a brand new Ford Ikon for my wife.
Santa: Wow... that’s an unbelievable exchange offer.

Indebted
Bank sent a letter to Santa saying: “Your payments are outstanding.”
Santa wrote back to say: “Thank you I am flattered.

Why did you shoot your wife?
Judge: Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?
Sardar: Your Honour, It’s easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

(Contributed by: Vipin Buckshey, Delhi)