Say what you feel

Plainly speaking

Have you ever said yes when you really wanted to say no? Many of us are reluctant to displease friends, family or colleagues when asked to do favours that eat into our limited time and resources. This usually results in resentment, stress and very often the promised favour not getting done.

Metrolife asks young people if they have a tendency to say yes when they really mean no or is this a throwback to a past generation.

Ashmita Payapilly feels that there is no  ‘black or white’ perspective on this issue. “I personally never say yes if I can’t deliver. If the person is in dire need of help or is someone I cared deeply about, I would do the favour no matter how inconvenient it is. I would never say yes when I mean no and let someone down.”

Niska has been at the receiving end of the yes-sayers who mean no. “As house secretary in school, delegating tasks was necessary to get the job done. Invariably friends and classmates would agree just to please me but end up leaving  me in the lurch, causing me double the work and stress. When needing notes before an exam some ‘friends’ would say yes initially but later come up with excuses why they could not lend them to me.

That was their competitiveness speaking but they could have been honest and said no in the first place. I would have respected their honesty at least!”

Relationship expert Suma Nagesh says, “When you say yes and really want to say no, either you end up feeling resentful after doing it — which the other person can almost always sense. That harms the relationship. Or you find ways to get out of what you promised, usually by lying, or making excuses – which again harms the relationship.”

“This is not true in my case!” says Nishkala Jayasimha firmly. “When I know that I cannot do something I have no hesitation in saying no. If  I say yes then I ensure that I carry out my promise.”

Akaankshaa Paranjpe finds it very hard to refuse a favour but realises the danger of letting people down are worse. “It is really important to create boundaries and guidelines for yourself on when to say yes and when to say no. When you take time to do this, you will have more energy, more time for your own personal interests and be more available to who and what really matters in your life,” advises Suma.