Boarding schools and emotional development: Freedom or repression?

Shreyes Kumar

There is an old saying that reminds us: education is not just about passing on facts. It is a journey that helps a child grow emotionally, gain wisdom, and become a whole person.

India’s tradition of learning has always gone beyond textbooks. The ancient Gurukula system, which goes back to the Vedic period, is a classic example. These were not just schools in the way we think of them today. They were spaces built on values and compassion rather than buildings. Children lived with their gurus in natural surroundings, learning through daily life, observation, and personal interaction. This was education that shaped both the mind and the character.

In various ways, today’s boarding or residential schools can be compared to the modern version of the Gurukula model. At the same time, it also raises an important concern: do these schools truly support a child’s growth, or can they sometimes create emotional distance?

As an educator, I have seen both sides of this coin. Some children come from emotionally fragile homes where single parents raise them or where the child experiences constant conflict between parents. For them, boarding schools offer something that is not available in the regular schooling pattern: structure, consistency, and a sense of safety. Such children often thrive in such environments. A steady routine, supportive adults, and a shared sense of community can help them feel grounded. Over time, they grow more confident, resilient, and self-aware.

On the other hand, not every decision to send a child to boarding school is driven by necessity. Increasingly, some parents choose it because of social pressures or personal expectations. There is a belief that a strict environment might “correct” certain behaviours. However, this idea often misses the point that discipline is not something you impose; it is something you build. And that takes time, trust, and emotional connection.

Feeling loved, belonging, and open communication are at the core of a child’s emotional development. While many boarding schools do encourage independence, they can’t always provide the personalised emotional support every child needs. Many students prefer school to home, not because they love learning, but because they feel unseen or unheard in their families. It is a quiet reminder: Are we asking schools to step into emotional roles that parents themselves are struggling to fulfil?

We must not overlook the positive impact of the right kind of residential school. There are countless examples of children who felt lost or disconnected at home, but who found purpose and clarity in a school that strikes a balance between structure and compassion. These children often grow into thoughtful, self-reliant individuals. Their transformation is a testament to what can happen when care and consistency come together.

What matters is the reason behind the choice. If a child’s home is emotionally safe and secure, the need for boarding may or may not exist. However, when circumstances necessitate change and the child’s well-being is prioritised, boarding schools can provide genuine growth opportunities.

It’s not about categorising these schools into ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ It is about finding answers to the questions: why are we choosing this path? Are we responding to what our child truly needs, or are we burdened with societal expectations? Ultimately, it’s not the system that defines the experience. It’s the quality of the relationships, the strength of emotional support, and the sensitivity with which we meet a child’s needs, whether at home or school.

As parents and educators, we need to create spaces that value not only academic achievement but also emotional well-being. That’s the foundation on which lasting growth is built.

(The author is the director of an educational institution)