Do what it takes to be the best version of yourself

Dear Madam,

I am 14-year-old, a bit obese for my age and height (60kg). A few classmates make fun of my obesity in a very bad manner. I know obesity can cause health problems, and I want to slim down, but when I think of the bullies in school, I don't want to slim down, I think it will be like yielding to their negative comments. What do you think? What's your suggestion?

A student

Dear student,

Bullying in school takes many forms, and unfortunately, weight often becomes the reason why someone is bullied. This is very unfortunate. However, I think you need to do what is in your interest, rather than sabotage your own good by not doing that because you don’t want the bullies to think that you listened to them. Getting to a healthy weight is in your interest as it is better for your health and your self-confidence and self-image. Don’t worry about what others will think because your purpose in life is to be the best version of yourself and do the best you can. It is not about doing or being how others want you to be. So get the help you need to regain your power against the bullies, and do not sabotage your own success. All the best!

*****

Dear Madam,

My son is four years old, in LKG for a month now. His teachers say he does not write in class and cries when teachers ask him to write. Teachers also probably shout at him. They complain about him to me. This is his first time in school. Please guide me on how to make him learn like other kids or help him.

A parent

Dear Parent,

Each child develops at their own pace. It is the teacher’s role to come to the child’s level and help the child learn. If they complain about the child to you, please don’t internalize the blame as it somehow being your fault, or your somehow not being a good enough parent. Please do not compare him to other children or think he has some deficits. Every child is a unique individual who embarks on a unique learning journey. Our role is to accompany them on this journey with positive reinforcements, guidance, and stimulation. Not to reprimand them for somehow being inferior to the other children. If the teachers are shouting at the child, then you need to take that up with the school. Teachers might be shouting at kids out of their own frustrations in life, not necessarily only in the classroom, and not because of inherent deficits in the children.

*****

Dear Madam,

My daughter is in Class 5. She cries every morning when she leaves home for school. She finishes her homework and everything, and is good at studies but her early morning ruckus is a problem. How do I deal with this?

Prathima M

Dear Prathima,

Please know that a child’s behaviour is often a reflection of their thoughts and feelings. And you cannot address behaviour unless you understand what the child is thinking or feeling. It is not the behaviour that needs to be fixed, rather it is the thoughts and feelings that the child needs to be helped with. It is important to be able to talk to your child to understand her feelings and thoughts about why she does not want to go to school. Maybe she does not like it, or maybe she is being bullied, or someone is troubling her, or she is being left out and is feeling alone. Or maybe she fears the teacher, or someone else. Or maybe she is scared about something. It is not just about fixing behaviour. It is about understanding the child’s experience that is resulting in the behaviour and somehow helping the child process those experiences differently. Hope this helps.

*****

Dear Madam,

I have supported my best friend and cheered her up when she was going through tough times during the divorce of her parents. But she is very jealous, she didn't like it when I made new friends in my new school. A week back I could not pick up her call as my tab was away. She told me to eff off and blocked me. I am hurt by this behaviour; I am scared to get involved with friends again. Is this normal?

Riya Thomas

Dear Riya,

It is normal to fall out with some friends, sometimes, and make new friends and move on. But it is not helpful to use one experience of a misunderstanding with one friend to define whether you will ever make friends again or not. Please speak to a counsellor if you can and get help on understanding how you can process this event. Things happen in life, but how we interpret those things and understand them makes the difference in allowing us to get stuck by them or be able to move on. We can choose incidents to hold us back, or we can choose incidents to give us valuable life lessons that can be useful going forward. But remember, friendships and relationships may be hard to navigate at times, but that does not mean they are not worth it. All the best!

*****

Dear Madam,

I have a classmate who steals things like pencils, erasers and pens from me. When I countered her she said they were her things. I can't lock my bag in school always. How do I deal with this without complaining to teachers?

Sharanya K

Dear Sharanya

This can be a tricky situation and maybe the only way is to confront her every time and let her know that you know it is her, and that if the situation does not stop you will be forced to complain to the teacher. Also, maybe you can change your seat in class if that is possible. Or stop bringing things that are expensive or precious/important for you to school, Try and check if other children are also having similar experiences. If they are then you can collectively confront her.

(Maullika Sharma is an MBA graduate with a specialisation in counselling. Send in your questions to us at [e-mail], with ‘Ask Your Counsellor’ in the subject line.)