Most of our fears are based on irrational thoughts

Ask Your Counsellor

Dear Madam,

I aspire big but the fear of failure prevents me from even trying. How to change my perception and start trying for the things I yearn to achieve?

Sakshi

Dear Sakshi,

The fear of failure holds back many of us. The important thing is to understand the fear and befriend it. Fear can be an amorphous dark cloud that can shroud everything. We need to be able to break it down. Ask yourself what is the worst thing that can happen? If you are honest about it and continue that line of questioning to its logical conclusion, you will most of the time arrive at the conclusion that even if the worst thing that you can imagine were to come true, you will still be okay. This is often not that easy, but if you are committed to being the best version of yourself that you can be, then talk about this with a counsellor. Most of our fears are based on irrational thoughts and beliefs, which a counsellor will help you uncover. You owe it to yourself. Good luck!

Dear Madam,

I am an overthinker. Whenever I get a chance to have a long and detailed conversation, I go by my instincts and speak my heart out with good intentions. However, after the conversation ends, I often feel that I should have been less expressive, I shouldn’t have said that particular thing, what did the listener think of me etc. Is it okay to be like this?

Mohammed Shakeel

Dear Mohammed,

It is okay to think deeply about things, and to express your opinions in an honest and authentic way. The important thing to remember is that you cannot control what other people will think and feel about what you said, and whether they will like it or not.

You must be authentic to yourself, and if in that process some people fall by the wayside and dislike it, then so be it. It is important to bear in mind, that it is best not to cross the boundaries of decency and respect, even if there is a difference of opinion. People can agree to disagree. You may dislike another person’s point of view which is not the same as disliking the person. The same holds true for others. They may dislike your point of view which does not necessarily mean they dislike you. You cannot control other people’s judgment of you, and neither can you control their feelings.

Dear Madam,

I am an engineer. Presently I am working in a company and I feel I don’t fit in there. I want to discover my talent and move forward in pursuing it, as I desire to live my life passionately. How can I know what is my goal?

Gaurav

Hi Gaurav,

It may be helpful for you to find yourself a life coach or a career coach who can help you identify goals for yourself and work towards them. This will help you understand yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, your interests, your likes, and dislikes, to be better able to find a career and a job that will be a better fit for you. I can not give you a more specific response without talking to you about this at length and in detail.

Dear Madam,

I am in Class 12 and have my Board exam this year, my brother is in Class 9. My parents are going through a bitter divorce, and I feel miserable and am unable to study. Please help.

Isha

Dear Isha

When parents go through a divorce, especially if it is a bitter one, it can be hard on the children. I can understand how difficult this must be for you and your brother, especially as you are preparing for your Board exams. Whatever the situation, you need to know that you are not to blame for it. It may also seem like your parents are not concerned about your feelings. But it could be possible that they really are, only you are not able to see it because you are in a different space for now.

This situation can be difficult for you and your brother, and when the mind is not at ease, it becomes hard to focus and study. Do you have a trusted adult that you can talk to who will understand and accept your feelings and help you with them?

If not, you may want to reach out to several counselling helplines that are available which will allow you to talk to a counsellor on the phone. This will help you a lot in understanding the situation better and helping yourself feel better about it as well. All the best!