Sorry! Being rude isn't cool

Earlier moving to a culturally-different location called for training to ensure that one does not offend the natives. Today’s tech-savvy, zero-etiquette age calls for that training for all, writes Shilpa Manjal 

It clearly looked like they were on a date. They were seated a couple of tables away from ours. The girl looked lovely and the guy looked…ummm…into his phone. She placed the order, while he continued to be engrossed.

The wine and entrée came along. He was still at it. I could see embarrassment turn to anger, soon to rage and, finally, she did what I was itching to do. She poured the wine on to his disbelieving head and stoped off.

Turns out I wasn’t the only one watching the drama unfold; a fine-dining-controlled cheer followed! You know what they say about putting your phone away and paying attention to those talking to you? There is an app for that – it’s called Respect.

I doubt if the man even realised the seriousness of what had just happened. He was probably only ‘WhatsApping’ his friends or possibly, he was on the verge of saving the world from biowarfare launched by extremists.

It didn’t matter that another human being was sitting with him trying to make some conversation. To think of it, he must’ve entered this world with the gynaec saying, ‘Congratulations! It’s a smartphone, with a boy attached.’

Getting carried away, are we? Not really. Check how many times you catch yourself saying ‘Isn’t that rude?’ We live in a world where etiquette is not just unceremoniously kicked out of the window, but where rude is also considered cool.

Seen that woman blabbering away on her phone in the middle of a movie screening? Cringed on hearing a teen use profanity just because the mother refused to buy her something at the mall? How about that athletic young man who planted himself on the bus seat reserved for senior citizens and refused to get up?

The world is full of specimens such as these and, sadly, their tribe is increasing. Remember the time when actors Shahid Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra hit the lows on the rude-o-meter after breaking off their relationship by unfollowing each other on Twitter? What happened next?

Instead of lamenting over a good relationship lost – or ignoring them - the world was watching their Twitter accounts for more action. Perhaps celebrities like that, but I doubt you want your life to be a spectator sport.

FB-savvy Mehr Ashfaque learnt this the hard way. When her son was born, she made the announcement online. Unfortunately, she lost her baby within three months. As if that wasn’t enough to handle, one of Mehr’s FB friends got to know of her loss and encouraged people to pray for the infant by tagging the mother!

“I was aghast by the number of calls I started receiving. I was in no state to speak. It was a double nightmare,” she says, recalling it with pain even three years later.

There was a time when people shifting jobs to a culturally-different location would have to train themselves so as not to offend the natives. Now, this training ought to be made compulsory for all. Take for instance, the art of conversation. 

Psychologists cannot emphasise enough on damage being done to interpersonal communication, thanks to being digitally connected every second of the day. And night.

Just like the grooming classes that were aimed at ‘nurturing ladies’ years ago, there really ought to be a mentoring space for people to be taught what is right and what doesn’t work.

And guess what we are falling back on? Apps, of course! An app called ‘Nice Bear Naughty Bear’ devised by a UK grandmother is, apparently, quite a hit. 

It teaches children about manners, behaving with guests, table etiquette, magic words and the like. But it isn’t just the children who need the lesson, right?

Now, that’s the tough question: Who is really going to teach us, adults? That life is about spending some quality time with your family rather than being hooked to anything from TV news debates to Candy Crush. That office parties are not meant for drinking yourself silly and waking up to embarrassing stories circulated among your colleagues.

That poking and ‘hey dude-ing’ your boss on FB or commenting about how sexy your intern is looking in that LBD is just not acceptable.

Ask Preetha Saudamini, who celebrated her birthday recently. She was wished by 104 friends. On Facebook! So Mark Zuckerberg thought it’d be a great idea to remind people that it’s their friend’s birthday.

Here’s the sore bit: Being wished by unknown ‘friends’ and being the stickler that she is for politeness, Preetha had the painstaking task of posting the obligatory thanks after every message.

Talk about having a swell birthday! “Social media is a pain in more ways than one. I would love to go on it for networking with work-related communities, but the moment any of my friends notice any FB activity I start getting pinged, irrespective of the time of the day without bothering to ask if I am busy,” she says.

For a work-from-home writer that spells annoying with a capital A. “You know me. You wish me. In person or by calling. Old rule: Ask, ask and ask before you start rattling off about your pet raccoon’s bowel movements,” she screams. But it’ll be rude to write that on her FB wall, wouldn’t it?

Feelings have become clinical. So wishing is merely routine and practical, saying sorry is a customary wave of the hand while looking askance and excuse me is almost always an exclamation rather than a request.

The lack of feeling is so blatantly in your face that one might even get unemotional about that! Think of the innumerable mwah-mwahs being exchanged not just at parties, but even at college get-togethers or the most unlikely place – a media room!

Air kissing has got to be the most artificial form of etiquette ever. Personally, I love the Indian Namaste – hygienic and warm - but if not that, let’s keep it to the handshake. I mean, I want to be polite, but I don’t love you.