JOIN USE-shopping: a ‘believe it or not’ list
Online retailing giant Amazon found itself in the eye of a social media storm when a Twitter user pointed out that it sold a product that enabled one to fake virginity. Named ‘i-virgin’, these were virginity pill capsules with blood-powder that women can insert into their vagina about two-four hours before sex, and ‘bleed’ during their first night.
Netizens pointed out how this product supported and propagated the misogynistic idea of virginity and associating a woman’s purity with her hymen.
While the online furore is justified, a quick search reveals that online shopping platforms have a plethora of such weird and unnecessary things that one might occasionally stumble on. Here’s a sample list; we really want to know who buys these things!
Desi cow urine
It is known that cow urine is used in religious ceremonies in India. Many sites offer small quantities of this 'product'. But 20 litres? Why would someone pay an exorbitant amount to stock cow urine at home? That too in India, when one can easily bump into an obliging cow; they are usually found in the middle of busy roads.
Quite a few of our politicians have claimed that this holy piss can be used to treat cancer and other serious medical ailments that have long baffled medical science. Is someone buying this in bulk for research purposes? We are curious now.
Fake dog poop
Why? Just why would you buy this? We leave it to your imagination.
PS: Notice the site exhorting us to buy it soon because 'only a few are left'?
Grass slippers
Flipkart and Amazon are competing to sell multiple varieties of grass slippers, maybe to those who wanted to bring the lawn inside their shoebox apartments.
Zombie survival lunchbox
It shows up as a zombie survival kit online and for a second, we were excited. But it is just a tin lunchbox with the words 'Zombie survival kit' printed on it. Imagine rummaging through one during the zombie apocalypse just to find a half-eaten sandwich inside?
Though the sellers (kiron.co.in) have helpfully suggested that the product is 'food, fun or your Zombie Survival gear'. Also note the cost. Safety isn't cheap!
Small wood coffins
Since one 'small unfinished wood funeral coffin' was too mainstream, here is a pack of six instead. They are mini versions though, ideal to be used as a 'decorative' item for your house. Would make for great conversation starters, we bet!
Fake buttocks
A good idea for school kids, to escape from the beatings or to use as a cushion against the hard wooden benches. But it has got only one star; the customer says the item is not worth the price at all as the 'Hard plastic makes cracking noise'. Okay then.
'Finger' puppets
We understand the concept of finger puppets but can't necessarily fathom the idea of fingers as finger puppets. Any story told with these doesn't seem suitable for children.
Live bugs
Bugs are good for your garden of course. But 3000 of these seems a tad excessive. What's more, the quantity can be changed to go up to 4,500 or even 9,000.
In the product description, the seller has added a line about how ladybugs are good bugs that are great for kids' birthday parties. We are slightly concerned now.
Nothing
This is not a typo, Amazon actually sells the 'Gift of Nothing: For the person who has everything'. The seller invites you to realise that 'nothing is precious and sacred; Open the pack and savour the moment when nothing happens'. Sounds like a great philosophy lesson until you realise 'Nothing' is sold for Rs 1,743 or Rs 4,470 on Amazon.
Squishy chocolate cake
A squishy toy is a great stressbuster but why shape it like a chocolate cake and torture yourself? Plus, imagine a colleague thinking it's real and taking a bite out of it, when you are away?
Weird books
Did you know there is a 'Farting Animals Coloring Book', priced at Rs 561, available on Amazon? Flipkart used to sell it too but the product is no longer available on their site. The description for the book is 'Farting animals are funny!'
There are colouring books which only have drawings of cat butts, swear words and more. A book titled 'Kama Pootra', priced at Rs 487, teaches you many positions for an enlightening bathroom experience. You can even buy a book titled 'How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety'... the list is endless.
Yodelling pickle
Did you know you needed a battery-operated yodelling pickle? If the product seems bizarre, the description is even more so. 'Are you sick and tired of trying to teach your pickles to yodel? Pickles can be so stubborn...' and it goes on. We can't even!
Toilet golf set
Talk about utilising time productively! This might be for the serious golfers out there; every second is precious and can be used to hone your craft. There is also a toilet fishing game.
There is more...much, much more. Whether you are in the mood to purchase some utterly unnecessary product or are looking to prank someone or are looking for a likely entry to the Ripley's Believe It Or Not Museum, the internet has your back.
Pro tip- opt for incognito mode while browsing for these items. We shudder to think of the product recommendations we will be getting from now onwards.