How to handle narcissists

Narcissism is more than just loving oneself. In fact there is nothing wrong in loving oneself. We all must. Things start getting nasty when someone in our life loves themselves at the cost of others, consistently.

Sounds familiar? Given our population density, chances are you’ve met someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Many people act thoughtlessly once in a while when they are having a bad day but if that bad day behaviour seems to be everyday behaviour then *Alarm Bells!*

Self-help articles teach us how to protect ourselves or run in the other direction once we have encountered someone showing signs of NPD. But while you are twiddling your thumbs in the twilight zone, still figuring out if you are crazy, if it’s just a bad day for someone or if you’re faced with a true NPD character (they are very normal in appearance and may even appear as the best humans on earth), here are five tried and tested ways to enjoy the situation.

Because “what does not kill you, only makes you stronger.”

Make templates for the character, add a smiley

They first create a deep connection and then disappear for weeks, leaving you aghast, only to pop back up suddenly like stuck up toast? On their return, note down their reason for the disappearance. After a few such encounters, give them multiple choices to choose from. Remember to add a wink smiley.

Give them what they want, just in the wrong doses

They love control, hate responsibility? If things go right, it’s their victory. If things go wrong, everyone else is to blame? Be Gandhian. Give them more updates than they need and watch them squirm. They will want you to shut up but won’t know how to do it without giving up control over you. Rejoice.

Let them lie, enjoy it like badly written fiction (or a well written one).

They hate being questioned and will lie to any extent to cover up?

Fun tip: Narcissists are so involved in plotting their own show, they often forget their lies.

Pro tip: Re-frame the question a few months later and enjoy a different version.

Watch the show

Every decision that they have taken has not been because they had a choice, but because they were “forced to” under the circumstances? Play a version of Cluedo in your head to arrive at their next victim/hero scenario. Treat yourself to Death By Chocolate, if you win. It’s worth the calories.

Change the topic

They want to erode your self-confidence and enjoy seeing you struggle to gain their approval? Next time they do this, talk about the weather - in great detail. When they bring it up again, elucidate more.

Character: Why do you have to be so warm? People don’t like that. I am telling you for your own good.

You: Al’Aziziyah in Libya has the highest recorded temperature on earth at a sweltering 58°C ! That’s Warm!

Jokes apart, no matter who dims your light, just don’t forget to enjoy the moment. Your life is yours and while people keep trying to pull you into their murky reality, you can choose to not get into it.

Note: People who show signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder need counselling support and if you find your self-confidence shattered by someone like that, you need it too. Therapy is for everyone. Humour too.