Freedom from fear

Right In The Middle

Since March 2020, the term 'lockdown' has become common in our lives. Until then, we were only familiar with 'lock-outs' that happened in factories. I remember the ‘lock-out’ in HMT, Hyderabad, where my father used to work, in the late 1960s. That 'lock-out' was for just a fortnight. But the latest trend, lockdown, seems never-ending.

During the first wave, after the lockdown was eased, I had to get my passport renewed. “What is the need to renew the passport right now? Can’t it wait?” was the question from all well-wishers. My US Visa was about to expire and I could get that renewed without a personal interview only if I applied before the expiry. But when will I be brave enough to travel to the US? God knows. However, I thought I will have my passport and visa ready, anyway.

We fixed up an appointment with the Passport Office and I had to go there physically. I had not stepped out of my house for 4-5 months, except to buy vegetables and groceries at the stores just 150-200 metre away, once in a week. That itself was like a great outing and needed a lot of planning to ensure that I could carry out all my other chores and duties like exercising, washing, cleaning, cooking, etc. We would take all precautionary measures that all those WhatsApp messages suggested.

Now, I had to go to the passport office. I started feeling tense 4-5 days before the D-day. I could not sleep well. "Was I going to commit a blunder and get myself and my husband into trouble?" I asked my husband to get the face shield. On the interview day, I felt like a goat being dragged by the butcher. I wore the mask, the face shield and the gloves and ensured that my husband, who had to wait outside, also wore all that. I took my friend along to take care of my husband. When we arrived at the passport office, we were surprised. Our car was the only car in the parking area. I had imagined a jostling queue outside the gate. There was nobody. When I showed my appointment message, I was led inside. The arrangements were very well made. So, I had to spend hardly fifteen minutes inside and was never nearer than 10 feet to any human being. I was so engrossed in securing myself from the virus, that I had forgotten to take cash with me for some fees that I had to pay. I had to go out and get it from my husband. All the while, my heart was beating loud and I was feeling imprisoned inside a tight cubicle because my vision was getting blurred with my breath causing a mist on the plastic shield.

After such a tortuous exercise of 20 minutes in all, when I came back to my car, I felt I was released after life imprisonment. When will I get freedom from this fear?