Marriage miscarriage

An honourable judge opined recently that modern day marriages fixed through social media platforms are bound to fail. Such categorical assumptions and generalisations lead us nowhere. It is not the type of media or channel through which a marriage is fixed, but the compatibility and resilience of the couple to pull along, come what may, that matters.

My parents used to narrate that they had never seen each other before the marriage, and one of their friends had guffawed that he had seen his wife-to-be in the light of a small earthen lamp, which aided in concealing, rather than revealing, her features. Sometimes, just a word exchanged between the elders bound the boy and girl in matrimony.

Matching of horoscopes has been again optional. A distant relative recently mentioned that her father had never bothered with ‘horoscoping’, but just meditated at the altar and took a decision. None of the marriages of his children failed, and lasted scores of years.

On yet another conversation with an aunt, she said that many years after her marriage with my uncle — 13 years her senior — her mother had revealed the shocking truth that her brother’s horoscope had been erroneously sent and matched with that of my uncle’s! Yet, there they are, going strong amid the ups and downs of their lives, and have already crossed the golden years of their married life.

Social media is basically a pedestal to friendship and a marriage founded on friendship should ideally be successful. If it fails, it is not the platform but the friendship that is to be doubted! Change is the only constant and even friends change at times with relation to one another due to circumstances like distance, change of habits, and so on. The tinsel world has witnessed marriages between childhood friends failing, and in close circles such instances are not uncommon to me. After marriage, the couple get a taste of the reality. I remember a girl bemoaning that marriage had sapped the love that had existed before between her and the then husband-to-be.

Modernisation may have led to the institution of marriage losing its sanctity. Marriages may be made in heaven but have to be fulfilled here on dusty earth, trying to synchronise the complex nature of two individuals bound by sacred vows.

For older generations, with restricted media impact and minimal communication between spouses, the question of incompatibility never arose as its very existence was not explored! Life simply moved on with clear cut roles.

But of late, a couple bound in the shackles of marriage finds itself short of breath and asking for more lung space. Some succeed in finding the space within its confines, whereas some break free for sustenance. Ultimately, it is not the platform but the strain of individual resilience and adjustment that holds the key.