<p>If you, like me, have been following the convoluted saga of Rippling founder Prasanna Sankar and his estranged wife Dhivya Sasidhar, with accusations of infidelity and abuse hurled at each by the other, and you are wondering if there was ever a couple that called it quits gracefully without fighting over assets and alimony, you will probably enjoy the story of Mahakassapa and Bhadda Kapilani – some of the early disciples of the Buddha.</p>.<p>The story goes that Kassapa was born into wealth, and he was used to comfort, but he was aware from early on that he did not wish to marry. He wanted to be an ascetic instead. But his parents, like many parents today, were insistent that he get married. And so he hit upon an idea. He had a beautiful statue of a stunning woman designed, and told his parents that he would only marry a woman who was as beautiful as the statue. His wealthy parents then had messengers dispatched in all directions with the statue, on a mission to locate a woman as beautiful as it. As Kassapa’s luck would have it, they came across Bhadda Kapilani, who was even more beautiful than the statue. Bhadda Kapilani’s parents were rather wealthy too – and the wedding was arranged. The disappointed Kassapa sent a letter to his bride-to-be, telling her to marry someone else, since he did not care for marriage and wanted to renounce the world. Funnily enough, Bhadda had independently sent him a similar letter, since she wanted to be an ascetic as well – that too, in a time when the Buddha did not even have women ordained as bhikkhunis. But the couple’s parents, anticipating their actions, intercepted both letters, which resulted in their marriage.</p>.Let us go ‘kidulting’.<p>Theirs was still a happy marriage – they both decided to practise celibacy and managed their household rather well on the steady income they received from the fields of their large estate. One day, however, Kassapa went as usual to inspect the fields, while Bhadda stayed home managing the kitchen. Kassapa saw how birds were eagerly picking at worms in the furrows made by the ploughs. Although it was a common sight, it struck him forcefully that his wealth was tied to the suffering of so many creatures. He asked the workers whose responsibility all that suffering was, and they answered that it was his alone. At that very moment, he resolved that he had no use for wealth that came from other creatures’ suffering, and that he would renounce the world. He came home to inform his wife of his decision.</p>.<p>It turned out that Bhadda was at home, sorting the sesame seeds. She had spread them out, and she saw crows pecking at the insects that had come flocking to the seeds. She asked the servants who was responsible for the suffering of so many creatures, and was told that she was. She too decided that she wanted nothing to do with wealth that came from the pain of others, and determined that she would renounce the world. When the couple discovered that they both had come to the same decision, they had begging bowls brought to them and even shaved each other’s heads. They granted all their servants freedom and set off on the road. As Bhadda followed him, Kassapa was struck by a new thought – “If people see us walking together, they might think that we are only pretending to be ascetics, while actually being unable to live without each other. And if they think so, then they will cause themselves harm.” Out of compassion for the world, he suggested to Bhadda that they take separate roads. She agreed, with no bitterness, that it was the right thing to do. Bhadda remained an ascetic for five years until the Bhikkhuni Sanghi of the first Buddhist nuns was formed, which she promptly joined. As for Kassapa, he became one of the Buddha’s foremost disciples. Mahakassapa and Bhadda Kapilani are not the only couple to let go gracefully – just think of Yajnavalkya and Maitreyi, to whom we owe one of the most celebrated Upanishadic passages.</p>.<p>Speaking of letting go of material bonds and property, Buddhist and Hindu organisations are fighting for control of the shrine at Bodh Gaya – they could both do with a reading of their scriptures, don’t you think?</p>
<p>If you, like me, have been following the convoluted saga of Rippling founder Prasanna Sankar and his estranged wife Dhivya Sasidhar, with accusations of infidelity and abuse hurled at each by the other, and you are wondering if there was ever a couple that called it quits gracefully without fighting over assets and alimony, you will probably enjoy the story of Mahakassapa and Bhadda Kapilani – some of the early disciples of the Buddha.</p>.<p>The story goes that Kassapa was born into wealth, and he was used to comfort, but he was aware from early on that he did not wish to marry. He wanted to be an ascetic instead. But his parents, like many parents today, were insistent that he get married. And so he hit upon an idea. He had a beautiful statue of a stunning woman designed, and told his parents that he would only marry a woman who was as beautiful as the statue. His wealthy parents then had messengers dispatched in all directions with the statue, on a mission to locate a woman as beautiful as it. As Kassapa’s luck would have it, they came across Bhadda Kapilani, who was even more beautiful than the statue. Bhadda Kapilani’s parents were rather wealthy too – and the wedding was arranged. The disappointed Kassapa sent a letter to his bride-to-be, telling her to marry someone else, since he did not care for marriage and wanted to renounce the world. Funnily enough, Bhadda had independently sent him a similar letter, since she wanted to be an ascetic as well – that too, in a time when the Buddha did not even have women ordained as bhikkhunis. But the couple’s parents, anticipating their actions, intercepted both letters, which resulted in their marriage.</p>.Let us go ‘kidulting’.<p>Theirs was still a happy marriage – they both decided to practise celibacy and managed their household rather well on the steady income they received from the fields of their large estate. One day, however, Kassapa went as usual to inspect the fields, while Bhadda stayed home managing the kitchen. Kassapa saw how birds were eagerly picking at worms in the furrows made by the ploughs. Although it was a common sight, it struck him forcefully that his wealth was tied to the suffering of so many creatures. He asked the workers whose responsibility all that suffering was, and they answered that it was his alone. At that very moment, he resolved that he had no use for wealth that came from other creatures’ suffering, and that he would renounce the world. He came home to inform his wife of his decision.</p>.<p>It turned out that Bhadda was at home, sorting the sesame seeds. She had spread them out, and she saw crows pecking at the insects that had come flocking to the seeds. She asked the servants who was responsible for the suffering of so many creatures, and was told that she was. She too decided that she wanted nothing to do with wealth that came from the pain of others, and determined that she would renounce the world. When the couple discovered that they both had come to the same decision, they had begging bowls brought to them and even shaved each other’s heads. They granted all their servants freedom and set off on the road. As Bhadda followed him, Kassapa was struck by a new thought – “If people see us walking together, they might think that we are only pretending to be ascetics, while actually being unable to live without each other. And if they think so, then they will cause themselves harm.” Out of compassion for the world, he suggested to Bhadda that they take separate roads. She agreed, with no bitterness, that it was the right thing to do. Bhadda remained an ascetic for five years until the Bhikkhuni Sanghi of the first Buddhist nuns was formed, which she promptly joined. As for Kassapa, he became one of the Buddha’s foremost disciples. Mahakassapa and Bhadda Kapilani are not the only couple to let go gracefully – just think of Yajnavalkya and Maitreyi, to whom we owe one of the most celebrated Upanishadic passages.</p>.<p>Speaking of letting go of material bonds and property, Buddhist and Hindu organisations are fighting for control of the shrine at Bodh Gaya – they could both do with a reading of their scriptures, don’t you think?</p>
