<p>We may or may not be aware of it, but all of us carry into adulthood the voices that we hear as children. They may be affirmations of love, words that reflect the care and concern that parents, teachers and friends gave freely as we grew up. These stay in the mind, shaping our outlook and moulding us into the persons that we now are.</p>.<p>Sadly though, not all messages are as positive. Some put a cap on our abilities, promote diffidence and even arouse fearfulness in inexperienced minds. Prominent among them are those built around the words ‘should’ and ‘should not’. They linger in the mind and become inflexible rules that determine our behaviour. What is worse, they also impel us to create new rules as the years go by.</p>.<p>For instance, many of us can recollect being told that elders must be respected and disobedience of their commands will not be tolerated; or that we must complete all homework before going out to play. The resultant effect is that this becomes a habit well into adult life, making us bend to the will and wishes of others.</p>.<p>No doubt, all of us have the responsibility of making others happy and of developing good habits, but some rules stem primarily from the preferences of others. They can be at odds with one's own style of functioning and make unnecessary claims on one’s time and energy.</p>.<p>Consider these examples — washing the kitchen floor three times a week can stop one from taking a calming walk; reading every Whatsapp message and sending comments can eat into leisure-time; jumping to do dishes as soon as a meal is over can mean inability to join in the happy conversation that follows; working while having lunch can prevent one from interacting with colleagues and knowing them better. The examples are legion.</p>.<p>The remedy lies in finding what suits the individual. Making a list of ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ that cause discontent and inconvenience can help us to confront them. They may be related to diet, routine or relationships with family, work-mates and friends. New patterns that align with your true self will emerge and promote happiness. In short, it is better to erase the ‘should syndrome’ from your thinking!</p>
<p>We may or may not be aware of it, but all of us carry into adulthood the voices that we hear as children. They may be affirmations of love, words that reflect the care and concern that parents, teachers and friends gave freely as we grew up. These stay in the mind, shaping our outlook and moulding us into the persons that we now are.</p>.<p>Sadly though, not all messages are as positive. Some put a cap on our abilities, promote diffidence and even arouse fearfulness in inexperienced minds. Prominent among them are those built around the words ‘should’ and ‘should not’. They linger in the mind and become inflexible rules that determine our behaviour. What is worse, they also impel us to create new rules as the years go by.</p>.<p>For instance, many of us can recollect being told that elders must be respected and disobedience of their commands will not be tolerated; or that we must complete all homework before going out to play. The resultant effect is that this becomes a habit well into adult life, making us bend to the will and wishes of others.</p>.<p>No doubt, all of us have the responsibility of making others happy and of developing good habits, but some rules stem primarily from the preferences of others. They can be at odds with one's own style of functioning and make unnecessary claims on one’s time and energy.</p>.<p>Consider these examples — washing the kitchen floor three times a week can stop one from taking a calming walk; reading every Whatsapp message and sending comments can eat into leisure-time; jumping to do dishes as soon as a meal is over can mean inability to join in the happy conversation that follows; working while having lunch can prevent one from interacting with colleagues and knowing them better. The examples are legion.</p>.<p>The remedy lies in finding what suits the individual. Making a list of ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots’ that cause discontent and inconvenience can help us to confront them. They may be related to diet, routine or relationships with family, work-mates and friends. New patterns that align with your true self will emerge and promote happiness. In short, it is better to erase the ‘should syndrome’ from your thinking!</p>