JOIN US'Racism pushed me to the brink of suicide'
Racism in cricket is real and it not only destroys people’s lives but also brings a bad name to the country and the organisation the perpetrators belong to. The recent incident of alleged racism directed at Indian cricketers in Sydney was just one such instance and reminded me of my own chilling experience. I was pushed to the brink of suicide after being subjected to systemic racism for nearly three years while playing first-class cricket in Northern Ireland.
I am glad the Indians decided to stand up against this ugly practice because the tendency is to ignore these incidents of humiliation and move on. When I decided to expose this in Irish cricket, I was dropped from the Provincial/ State class team. I made a formal complaint and decided not to play under a racist coach who had discriminated, humiliated and harassed me for over 18 months. My personal, professional and social life had begun to fall apart as a result of the racism I was facing.
I found myself having no answers and support from the cricket association. I faced isolation from the management and my team-mates deserted me fearing their careers would be in jeopardy.
I played cricket for various age-group Karnataka and India teams for 12 years, and after fighting for a spot in the Karnataka Ranji squad for six long years, I decided to study in Ireland. After playing in Ireland for nine years, I made my first-class and List A debut in Ireland the same year ICC awarded Irish cricket the first-class status back in 2017.
In the very first historic game, I was left out of the playing 11, only to make the non-listed and non-playing assistant coach a part of the game. This came as a shock to the cricketing community at that time. Despite this, I continued to play with a smile and did not take it seriously. I went on about my training without questioning the shambolic decision.
During all this while, I was made fun of by asking if my name and age was real by the assistant coach because “Steve was a subcontinent player.” It was meant to be taken as a joke. Over the next 18 months I had to endure the assistant coach passing wind on my face, making fun of my accent and even laughing at how I looked different and how culturally I was different.
It began to take a toll on my mental health when my state head coach started discriminating during training and matches. The coach would not speak to me or give me opportunities to bat or bowl during training. It was as if I didn’t exist for him. There were a number of times I was asked to arrive at wrong venues. By then I had been listed in the country’s top all-rounders rankings. After a match-winning performance, which was featured in BBC, I was dropped from playing in the next match.
I suffered silently, fearing the coach and the management would drop me from the squad for raising the issue of racism. I began to wonder why the management was even keeping me in the squad when they were not giving me a fair chance of playing. I later came to know that I was just as a public stunt, to show that the management was inclusive and celebrated diversity which helped them get grants.
I decided to make a formal complaint in April 2018 after a List A game. But little did I know that the management would ignore my complaints, drop me from the team and disown me as their employee and player. My wife Jenny, who is a local, was so frustrated that she had to write to the CEO of Irish cricket and ICC chairman in Dubai to raise this matter. Since the organisation showed no interest in acknowledging and addressing the coach’s behaviour, I decided to seek justice through the Industrial Tribunal. I was granted legal assistance through the Equality Commission in Northern Ireland. I had hope that the commission would fight for justice but unfortunately this hope was short lived as it was only interested in me going through mediation and settling the situation outside the court of law.
By this time my mental health was at an all-time low and I had contemplated ending my life several times. I was quickly referred to a GP and was put on eight months of counselling. I tried to fight until the end but now my marriage was breaking. This is when my wife and I decided to give up on the case. I was subsequently approached by a Perth premier club to be the head coach and player. I took the offer and moved on but the wounds of racism have left deep scars.
(Steve Lazars is a former Karnataka and India junior player, who plays and coaches in Northern Ireland now)