JOIN USNursing a grudge
Have you ever started watching a television show long after it released because none of the new shows seem fun enough to command your time and attention? I found Gilmore Girls on an OTT platform, and I have been hooked since the beginning of December. Created by Amy Sherman-Palladino, this series premiered in 2000 and went on for seven seasons until 2007.
If you are unfamiliar with Gilmore Girls, all you need to know is that it revolves around the lives of an amazing mother-daughter duo Lorelai (played by Lauren Graham) and Rory (played by Alexis Bledel) who live in a small town called Stars Hollow in Connecticut, USA. Lorelai is the manager of an inn and a single mother in her thirties. Rory is a student and a teenager. One of the most important men in their lives is Luke (played by Scott Patterson) who runs a local diner that was refashioned out of an old hardware store that belonged to his deceased father. Lorelai and Rory spend a lot of time there, drinking coffee and having their meals. Luke is not just a business owner to them; he is a much-adored and dependable friend.
One day, Luke spots a customer at the diner unbuttoning her shirt and feeding her baby. This makes him deeply uncomfortable. He asks Lorelai, “Is that woman doing what I think she’s doing?” Lorelai is amused at this reaction. She says, “Well, I can’t be 100 per cent sure, but, oh yeah, that’s lunch.” Luke is clearly uneasy and trying to figure out ways to make this go away.
He says, “Why are they doing this here? It’s a public place. People are eating here...This cannot be sanitary.” Lorelai does not call him a prude or give him a spiel on why he should not be sexualising the act of breastfeeding. She does not want to miss this golden opportunity to pull Luke’s leg. She replies, “I agree. You don’t know where that thing has been.” Since they are close to each other, Luke feels safe telling Lorelai what is really going on in his mind. He remarks, “When did that become acceptable? In the old days, a woman would never consider doing that in public. They’d go find a barn or a cave or something. I mean, it is indecent. This is a diner, not a peep show.” I was shocked to hear the comparison.
I wondered what makes Luke think of breastfeeding in public as akin to pornography. Is it because he is a creepy, misogynistic man? Has he been raised in a religious environment that prescribes specific codes of conduct for interactions between men and women? Does his insensitive attitude come from the lack of hands-on experience in raising a child?
Luke is worried that things might get out of control. He tells Lorelai, “I have to do something. I just can’t stand here and let the lactating continue.” She and Rory watch him squirm but do not offer a solution. Eventually, Luke requests Lorelai, “You go make her stop.” She refuses immediately. Any guesses about his justification? He responds, “Why not? You’re a woman.”
I gathered that Luke wants people to follow certain rules when they enter a space he owns but he also believes that breastfeeding is a private act, so it is inappropriate for a man to disturb a woman nursing her infant. Lorelai wonders how her being a woman is of any consequence in this situation. Luke answers, “You have the same parts...so you shouldn’t be scared of it.”
While I was judging him until then, the expression of vulnerability helped me understand Luke better. I pictured him as a young boy in school, curious about his own body and about the bodies of other students of various genders, with no access to sexuality education classes. He was probably scared because he had no avenues to seek information, ask questions and learn.
(Not Only But Also is a regular column with a fresh take on gender, sexuality, and more. The author is a Mumbai-based writer, educator, and researcher. He tweets @chintan_connect.)