Be bold and determined

Ask Your Counsellor

Dear Madam,

I want to be an astronaut. But my parents and friends are apprehensive about my decision as they feel that the field is not suitable for women. Isn’t it wrong? How do I change their notion?

Anu

Dear Anu,

It is always difficult to follow a new path. Take inspiration from the kind of resistance that Kalpana Chawla may have had to overcome. Of course, there are risks and no parent knowingly likes to send their child down a path that may be risky. So, you may need to be bold and determined to go down your path of choice in the face of opposition if that is what you want.

But understand that their perspective will always be different from yours. It is hard to change mindsets that have been shaped over generations of social and cultural norms. You can only try your best to shape theirs, but you cannot control it. Focus on what you can control and be the best you can be. Everything else will follow. Good luck!

Dear Madam,

I am fairly good in studies, hardworking and submit my projects in time. Though my peers and teachers appreciate my work, one lecturer picks on me and points at only negative aspects. That hurts me and lowers my confidence level. Can you please suggest a way I can work it out and let it not affect me?

Shishir

Dear Shishir,

Don’t let one person’s subjective opinion of you become your reality. Everyone does not have to like you. If one person does not like you, that does not mean you are not worthy. Each person’s judgment of you is shaped by their own values and beliefs. It is in no way representative of your intrinsic worth. Become comfortable with people not liking you.

Just like I am sure you do not like everyone equally, some people may like you more and some may like you less. That is their choice. You must focus on what you can control, and that is liking yourself and being the best you can be. If you have access to a counsellor talk to him or her. Or call the free Parivarthan Counselling Helpline at [phone] and speak to a counsellor who can help you.

Dear Madam,

I have just received my results for Class 12. Though I have scored well, it has not reached my expectations. While my parents support me in whatever decisions I make, I still feel dejected as I don’t think I will be able to pursue a course of my choice. Is there a way for me to see the positive side of this?

Dejected student

Dear Student,

Success is never final and failure is never fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts. Success is also not measured by marks, and marks do not guarantee success in life. In fact, nothing guarantees success all the time. Some form of failure is inevitable and the sooner you learn to deal with the disappointment of failure, the better it is for you. Remember failure is always an event, never a person. So even if you fail in an exam, it does not mean you have failed in totality as a person.

There are many aspects of you and your life that you have not failed at. And in this case you have not even failed, you have merely not done as well as you would have liked to. Plans go awry all the time in life.

We cannot control plans and must always have a plan B. Focus on what you can control – and that is how you interpret this disappointment and how much importance you attach to it; how disastrous you make it out to be in your head. There is always another path available for whatever course we want to go on, provided we are willing and ready to look for it.

Dear Madam,

I have joined a job (my first) a few months ago. I do not fully enjoy the job. This is affecting how I perform and hence, I am planning to do something on my own. My parents have told me to stay in the job for a while and gain experience before taking up anything on my own. Though what they say is true, I feel extremely unhappy. What can I do?

Preeth Dsouza

Dear Preeth,

When we are students we often have very romantic notions of what our jobs will look like and assume everything will be very exciting, often ignoring the fact that there will be a lot of routine and mundane as well. It would be wise to use this time to gain experience while at the same time understanding yourself better so that you know what works for you and what doesn’t.

You could also use this time to develop your alternative paths and plans. But most importantly, use this time to also be grateful for where you are – in that you have a job when many don’t. Don’t take what you have for granted. Which is not to say that you should not strive to do something that gives you more satisfaction and joy, but maybe, just maybe, you are making too hasty a decision.

Dear Madam,

I have a tendency to overthink and fret over a small issue for a long period of time. This has come to affect my daily work and life. What steps can I take to overcome this problem?

Saipriya

Dear Saipriya,

Everyone has thousands of thoughts every minute that come and go. Of these, we choose to hang on to some and let the others go. What I presume you mean by over-thinking is focusing on the possible negative outcomes of each situation and how disastrous that can be. Remember to stay in the present. The future is not something we can control. Focus on the now rather than worry about the future. It will be extremely helpful for you to reach out to a counsellor who may be able to help you with this.