Be the best version of yourself

ASK YOUR COUNSELLOR

Dear Madam,

I am a 19-year-old engineering student. When I passed out of PUC, I was not sure what to opt for and ended up taking up engineering. Now I am not interested in the course and want to pursue Law or any other subject in Humanities. But I am afraid to discuss this with my parents as they might feel bad. They have even paid the admission fee for the first year.

Sharin

Dear Sharin,

Unfortunately a lot of students in our country think, or are made to believe, that engineering is the only meaningful path to pursue for success in life. The reality, though, is that there are many paths to success, and many possible definitions of success. And if you got onto the wrong path for a short while, it is okay to realise your folly and take corrective action. Why be stuck on the wrong path for the rest of your life? You might end up losing a year in the process, but look at the year in the context of your whole life.

Would you rather waste a year now and get onto the right path for you, or would you rather stay on the wrong path for the rest of your life. Your life should not be about worrying about your parents not being happy with you. Your life should be about being the best version of yourself that you can be. Your parents’ happiness will follow as a logical consequence.
Having said that though, before you change your path, do your homework. How do you know that the alternative path you are choosing is the right one for you? Remember that the grass always looks greener on the other path! So, understand for yourself why you want to choose the other path, what is the future you are envisioning on the other path, what are the problems you may face on the other path, for no path is going to be smooth all along.

Dear Madam,

My son is studying in first year BTech. He is finding it difficult to cope up. He is a distinction student but unable to perform well now. Can it be because of the college environment? Next year he wants to change his college. Please guide him.

Manjunath

Dear Manjunath,

I will not be able to guide him via a letter in the newspaper. To be able to understand what is coming in the way of his achieving his potential (whatever that may be) I will need to talk to him in person. It is best for you to get him the help of a counsellor, whoever that may be. Often children are not able to discuss their concerns with parents because they feel pressured to not let them down, or to do what their parents want them to do. Students need to be able to have the space to decide their own path, and make their mistakes in the course of their journey. Please offer him the option to take the help of a counsellor, but then let him reach out for that help and take ownership of the path. All the best!

Dear Madam,

I am a degree student and I am losing interest in studies. I get bored and don’t feel like doing any work. I easily forget the work assigned to me and hence, I am not able to complete my assignments. Also, my mind gets diverted easily and I fail to concentrate on studies. Please give some suggestions.

Karanth

Dear Karanth,

There could be several reasons why you may not be finding your studies engaging. You could either be getting anxious about the future and overwhelmed by your path ahead, which could keep your mind so overworked with negative thoughts that it may be hard to concentrate. Or you just are not motivated by the path you are on and don’t find it interesting, engaging, rewarding, exciting and therefore are unable to give it your attention. Or you could be facing issues with your attention which do not allow you to focus and remember. For help with any of these possible reasons you need to consult a counsellor to identify the source of your distractions, and then get on to the path to address the problem.

Dear Madam,

I am a degree student and have a strong emotional bonding with one of my seniors. However, I get disturbed when I see him talking with other friends or active on social media. I have never expressed this feeling with my friend. I know that possessiveness is wrong. Can you please help me overcome this feeling?

Sharanya

Dear Sharanya,

You may not need to overcome this feeling. You may need to just accept it and express it. It is normal and natural, and not a sin or a crime that you need to stop. Unless you express it you will never know if it is a mutual feeling and is reciprocated or not. And unless it is an established relationship it may be an unhealthy expectation and burden you put on the relationship for it to be exclusive. It is helpful to remember that people have the capacity to relate to many people at the same time and being friendly with one person does not mean all other people have to be excluded from life. It may be helpful for you to better understand yourself and your emotions with regards to this relationship, and taking the help of a counsellor to do this may be a good path forward.

Dear Madam,

I am a postgraduate student in science. I have a good understanding of the topics but fail to communicate when the need arises. Also, I read a lot but don’t remember quotable lines when we talk about a related issue. I see some people referring to various books and famous personalities which makes their point valid and attractive. How do I use my knowledge effectively?

Prajna

Dear Prajna,

Please do not feel pressured to be like others. Please be the best version of yourself that you can be, and that is good enough. You bring your own strengths to the table. Know what your strengths are and understand how to utilise them to your advantage. Believe in yourself and your worth. We often are not able to remember what to say because we are worried about how we will be judged when we say it. Let go of that fear! People judge you based on who they are, not on who you are. You will not be judged positively by everybody and you don’t need to be. It is okay if there are some people who do not like you or who judge you negatively.