Jeeves, the iconic Mr Fix-It created by P G Wodehouse

Good Lord, Jeeves! Is there anything you don’t know?”

“I couldn’t say, sir.”

(P G Wodehouse: The Inimitable Jeeves)

You know how you sometimes feel jittery when you’re about to meet the principal? Well, that’s how I felt while I prepared to meet the ‘propah’ Jeeves. As those of you who’ve watched serials like ‘Downton Abbey’ will know, these butlers and valets sometimes seem more straight-laced and bigger sticklers for etiquette than the nobility whom they work for. To make matters worse, Jeeves was particularly intelligent and seemed to know everything about everything! A valet, like Jeeves, didn’t just take care of his employer; he took care of all his many problems! As I was musing, I could see the ramrod straight figure of the greatest ‘gentleman’s gentleman’ in all fiction approaching. 

“Good day, madam,” he said. “I understand that you wished to speak with me.” “Er… yes,” I mumbled. “The fact is,” I stumbled on, “I love reading Wodehouse’s novels. When I was asked to interview any one of the persons inhabiting those novels, the one that came instantly to mind was you.” Jeeves, I was happy to see, looked pleased, though there was as little reaction as possible — just a slight inclination of the head. “I endeavour to give satisfaction, Madam,” he said.

“Bertie Wooster was quite a handful to handle, wasn’t he?” I ventured. “I wouldn’t go so far as to say that,” said Jeeves, unwilling as ever to gossip and certainly not about his employer. “Mr Wooster has led such a sheltered and privileged life that he has not had to face many problems in life, but he has such a kind heart that he cannot bear to see anyone in distress and will impulsively step in, causing much grief to himself.”

“I guess that’s a fair assessment,” I agreed. “But what about all the many instances when he keeps getting engaged to the most unsuitable women, and his complete lack of good taste when he chooses his wardrobe? Those surely have nothing to do with being nice to others?” “Oh, but they do,” said Jeeves. “You see, he can be bullied very easily, and he cannot say boo to a goose, much less to a woman, because of his kindness. And sometimes he just proposes marriage to help a friend or to help the lady herself.” I’m afraid I rolled my eyes — I could remember an episode where Jeeves devises a plot to convince a lady that Bertie was insane to get her to call off the ‘engagement’. Jeeves gave me a disapproving look and then went on… “As for the clothes, he just needed a nudge in the right direction.” I smiled, remembering instances where Jeeves would simply remove or even destroy a tasteless piece of clothing before Bertie could wear it. Jeeves excelled at removing problems either with Bertie’s knowledge or without it!

“You’re not a butler, are you? And yet, one of the many ways in which you’ve helped Wooster’s friends is by taking on butler duties in a pinch.” “Helping his employer wherever a need arises is part of the duty of a gentleman’s gentleman,” said Jeeves.

“How do you know so much?” I asked. “About everything?!” “I read,” was the terse answer. “A good book is one of the greatest pleasures in life. If everyone would just take up a book now and then (I highly recommend Spinoza, Shakespeare and the Russian authors), there would be many more valets like me.” “Oh, but we don’t have valets anymore,” I said. Jeeves was horrified. “How does a gentleman get into his clothes?” he asked. “Well, they just put them on,” I said. Jeeves was scandalised. “So, if they want to buy a gaudy vase or wear purple socks (Jeeves shuddered), they’d just wear them?” he asked. “With no one to guide them to a more appropriate colour?” I shrugged. Poor Jeeves would have found the 21st century hard!

“Is there any advice you can give us on how to be more like you and less like the hapless Bertie now that we all have to look after ourselves?” I asked. Jeeves thought a moment. “Don’t get overexcited or dramatic over every little problem. You need to be calm to think,” he said. “And read… it gives you a much deeper understanding of human nature. And, if I might make a suggestion, madam — always dress with thought and elegance — appearance matters.” I glanced down at my outfit and grimaced.

I’m told you were named after a Warwickshire cricketer, and no one knew your first name for a very long time. A wry smile briefly appeared on Jeeves’ face. Indeed, Mr Wooster was quite shocked to know that I even had a first name.

“Do you know that there are many TV characters that have been built up on your model? And companies and websites that solve problems…?” Jeeves reddened… almost! “That is certainly most gratifying to hear,” he deigned to say. 

“I wish I had a Jeeves in my life,” I said, as it was time to say goodbye. Thank you, Jeeves, on behalf of the Woosters in all of us.