Leave them alone!

When will parents, teachers and school principals learn how to get out of the way instead of overwhelming children with their own worries about their gender expressions, asks Chintan Girish Modi

If you have been consuming digital content as voraciously as I have, you might agree that it is hard to keep track of fictional characters. I wonder if this has anything to do with the possibility that they are poorly etched out, and are therefore forgettable. Stars seem easy to remember because they are in the news but characters with recall value are pretty rare.

Pappu, played by Kalp Shah, in Alankrita Shrivastava’s film Dolly Kitty Aur Woh Chamakte Sitare (2020) is a character that I think of even months after having watched the film. For a child actor to stand out in a film featuring Konkona Sen Sharma, Aamir Bashir, Vikrant Massey, Neelima Azeem, Bhumi Pednekar, Kubbra Sait and Amol Parashar is remarkable.

The audience is introduced to Pappu at a photo booth where the entire family is dressed up in costumes designed to mimic the attire of Mughal royalty. Bharat, the elder child of Dolly and Amit, taunts Pappu. He says, “You don’t look like Mumtaz Mahal from any angle. And you never will.”

However, Pappu looks quite comfortable and happy being an empress. Later in the film, Pappu is on a school excursion with other children and their parents. There are two buses — one for girls, and the other for boys. Pappu boards the first one since it will take them to the doll museum; the other bus is going to the rail museum. The mothers accompanying the girls are upset by this, and they pressurise a teacher to get Pappu off the bus.

Dolly suggests that they visit the rail museum but the child is in no mood to budge. It is uncommon to witness children standing up for themselves in such a confident manner, especially when their performance of gender is shamed so publicly. At night, when Dolly finds Pappu wearing make-up and playing with dolls, she confiscates and throws them in the dustbin.

Amit seeks advice from a health magazine and reads these words out to Dolly: “Genetic studies answer many questions. If the mother has bodily issues, it can affect the mind and body of her child.” This comment strikes her like a spear due to the lack of physical intimacy in their own marriage. She asks, “And the father has no role to play?”

While Dolly makes every attempt to turn Pappu into the boy that society would approve of, Pappu feels quite secure physically and emotionally. What I really appreciate about this film is the space it provides for this child to create joy and experience it without fear or apology. The insecurities lie in the minds of the adults who cannot cope with difference.

Pappu likes to wear Dolly’s bra and look admiringly in the mirror. One day, this bra makes its way to school. Dolly is summoned by the school principal, who is aghast. She remarks, “This is a civilised school with great values. We cannot tolerate this violent behaviour.” Pappu finds this confrontation rather tedious and tries to end it by saying, “I had worn it under my shirt. What’s the problem?”

Since Pappu does not use queer, trans or any other term as a self-descriptor, I choose not to assign one. Pappu simply wants to be left alone. The adults are the ones who need support to comprehend the reality that is unsettling their conceptual framework. When Dolly asks Pappu, “Why did you go to the girls’ bathroom?” Pappu says, “I had to pee.”

In the child’s mind, things are quite clear. However, Dolly is still at a point where she thinks that Pappu needs to be fixed. Unconvinced by the response, she asks again. He replies, “Because it makes me feel like one of the girls.” Without going to any therapist or psychiatrist, the child has figured out how to live in a way that is affirming.

When will parents, teachers and school principals learn how to get out of the way instead of overwhelming children with their own worries about the future? Pappu knows how to be in the moment. I will not spoil the ending for you but let me leave you with this gem from Pappu uttered at the doll museum: “You can beat me at home. Let me enjoy myself until then.”

(Not Only But Also is a regular column with a fresh take on gender, sexuality, and more. Chintan Girish Modi is a Mumbai-based writer, educator, and researcher. He tweets @chintan_connect.)