Allow age to reflect grace

Why do some people always complain? This question often comes to mind. There are individuals, especially among older people, who seem to be never content. They frequently voice their grievances, harbour a sense of victimhood, and share their negativity with those around them. Their unhappiness not only affects them but also impacts those around them.

Recently, I met an elderly woman in her eighties during my morning walks. Her husband sometimes accompanied her. He was always grumpy, though healthy and financially secure, and showed little warmth or appreciation. At her age, she worked hard to cook, clean, and care for her husband. She often rushed home to make his tea. If she were late, he would become angry and accuse her of it. She did this more out of fear than out of happiness.

She mentioned that she had lived with her daughter for several years. She managed family life without letting things spiral out of control. However, it eventually became overwhelming due to conflicts caused by her husband’s controlling nature and their constant disagreements. This tension led her to move out. Her son had completely distanced himself, tired of his father’s behaviour. Ironically, the older man spent hours watching religious and spiritual programmes on TV, about love, compassion, and detachment. Yet, none of these values were reflected in his actions.

We often talk about the duty of children to care for their ageing parents. However, we rarely consider the emotional toll that comes with caring for elders who refuse to change. Growing old is unavoidable, but growing wise is a choice. Age should bring humility, reflection, and grace, not entitlement and stubbornness. It is sad to see some elders, despite being healthy and well-supported, choose to make life difficult for others. They might feel entitled to act as they wish, but no age gives anyone the right to disrespect others. In Mike Love’s words, ‘The great thing about getting older is that you get a chance to tell the people in your life who matter what they mean to you.’ Old age provides an opportunity to inspire rather than intimidate. It is a time to share wisdom instead of wounds. Let’s remember that love is a two-way street, gratitude is a daily choice, and respect must be mutual. Living together requires effort from everyone, regardless of age. Let’s all choose kindness over control and appreciation over complaints. Ultimately, our actions, not our age, will determine how we are remembered.