Keeping you updated. No, thanks

I have had it. I do not want to receive another email ‘update’ on my order. I would much rather not be reminded of my mistake in ordering anything online.

The mad rush to buy things online began a few years ago and took off at an alarming pace during the recent pandemic. With great reluctance, I switched to the online mode for procuring the essentials and non-essentials of life. I have not had a moment of peace since then. Every morning, I open my email inbox hoping to get some news from friends or colleagues but, instead, am greeted with a plethora of messages thanking me for my order, assuring me that it was being processed, congratulating me on my MVP status, and even telling me which employee was actually picking out my items in their warehouse.

The drama does not end there.
Once the items have been shipped, the transportation agencies—think Fedex and Blue Dart—take over and bombard you with ‘updates’ on various locations and cities that your items may be passing through. If ever you missed your geography lessons at school, this is the time to get educated—I mean, updated. There is heightened excitement, or heartache, depending on who you are, on the day of delivery. You get excruciating details of the ‘last mile’ of the journey on a minute-by-minute basis, comparable to the commentary of the last over in a 20-20 cricket
game. You are informed of every turn the delivery truck is taking and every traffic light where it is held up. Unable to control your racing heart, you are outside your door, rushing towards your deliverance! After a minute of peace following the arrival of your treasure, you get ready to ‘receive’ the next one.

The ‘updates’ increase exponentially if you share your online account, either out of a desire to save on membership fees or out of sheer foolishness, with your family members. At times, I am on tenterhooks when the item is declared delivered, but I find no brown packet adorning my doorstep. With evil thoughts of revenge racing through my mind, I get ready to send out a nasty email when a text message arrives on my phone indicating that my uncle, living a thousand miles away, is the recipient of a pair of shoes as a gift from my wife. My hyperactive mind had not bothered to check what the item ordered was or its destination. I had truly become a victim to the game of mindless tracking!

If you think the saga ends with the delivery of an item, you could not be more wrong. You get a barrage of follow-up messages goading you to provide feedback on your ‘experience’ with the company. It is at this point that you may decide to give away all your belongings to others or run and hide under a bridge with no internet connection and no cellular service!