Doom sayers

Sweet and sour

The ending would start from New Zealand with a violent earthquake over the world till all living beings were dead. Came Saturday, the doomsday! Came the fatal hour of 6 pm. What happened? Nothing.

Camping has been known to have prophesied doomsday once earlier. No one would have paid attention to his utterances. He has his own Family Radio which reaches out to the world and his foolish utterances are heard by millions across the globe. He also prophesied the second coming of Jesus Christ. So religious Christians respect what he says. I hope they stop doing so. Undeterred he has prophesied a third dooms day next October. He should be dismissed as a nut case.

We Indians are not in a position to mock Camping. Remember, in 1950s our learned astrologers forecast the end of life because eight planets would be in conjunction — Ashtagraha. I don’t know what that means but I recall life coming to a standstill that day and thousands of havanas being performed to appease the gods. What happened? Nothing.

Not so long ago the rumour got round that stone Ganapatis were drinking milk offered to them by good people. Behind Khan Market there is a temple. It had idols of many gods except Ganapati. So it quickly put in a Ganapati as well. I saw with my own eyes a long queue of men and women carrying milk bottles. There were policemen to see everyone took his or her turn. For the next few days the drain on the eastern side of the Market stank of rotting milk.

Most of those irrational acts happen here because over 90 per cent us Indians believe in astrology as a science which it is not. How can planets which are millions of miles away from us possibly effect our behaviour? Astrology is not a science but 100 per cent bunkum. Nevertheless, many highly educated people subscribed to it. One was never-smiling T N Seshan who retired as Chief Election Commissioner. He looked down on all his colleagues as ‘bevkoofs’ (stupid). He consulted his stars and put himself up for election as President of India. He lost miserably.

Another highly educated man who believes in horoscopes in Murli Manohar Joshi. As minister of education in the BJP government he made Astrology a subject of study in colleges. Fortunately, very few principals of colleges took his proposal seriously. In his political career he lost an election despite assurance of victory by his stars.

Another irrational beliefs in Vastu. Ask any architect today whether he consults Vastu while designing buildings or houses. The answer would be a loud laugh. In all big cities we have high-rise buildings facing each other. Besides making sure that a lavatory should be at a distance from the kitchen, there is nothing to Vastu’s other requirements. Like which direction should the entrance face is irrational and impractical.

Sujan Singh Park where I live is rectangular. On the north side is Hotel Ambassador. On the east, south and west are four-storeyed block of flats. It was designed by Walter George, one of Luyten’s team of architects. There is nothing Vastu about it. It is amongst the most sought after places for living.

Why don’t we have the courage to throw Vastu in the garbage heap?

Only married men

Concerned about this, a local Woman’s Liberation Front leader called on the CEO and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? It must be because you consider us women are weak, dumb, cantankerous or do you consider us as tantrum throwers, bossy, etc?” “Not at all, Ma’am,” the CEO replied.

“It is because our policy is to hire staff who are used to obeying orders without questioning, who are accustomed to bring shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and put up with anything when I yell at them...”

(Courtesy: Vipin Buckshey, New Delhi)

One liners

Rush hour — When traffic stands still.

Time wounds all heels.

Before television no one ever knew what a headache looked like.

Charm — The ability to make someone else think that both of you are quite wonderful.
Happiness — The result of being too busy to be miserable.
Intuition — What enables a woman to contradict her husband before he says anything.
Cooperation — Doing with a smile what you are compelled to do.
(Contributed by Rajnish, Shimla)