JOIN USComparisons and peer pressure can adversely affect self-esteem. Alvina Clara gives you advice on getting rid of negative baggage.
Young minds are vulnerable, especially during the student phase in life and teen years. Students go through a volatile phase to gain security, status, and social approval in society. Often, this fragile phase in life is accompanied by anxiety as one is not sure of the path to take in future. A lot of comparisons arise as peer pressure mounts.
Comparison among peers is healthy, as long as it does not harm anyone’s self-esteem.
Many children suffer from an inferiority complex as they make comparisons or evaluations that they shouldn’t.
Sometimes, the ill-advised comments of relatives or friends can make a child conscious of his weaknesses and tarnish his self-image. An inferiority complex is an unrealistic feeling of general inadequacy caused by actual or supposed inferiority in one sphere, sometimes marked by aggressive behaviour in compensation to maintain one’s superiority. In extreme cases a feeling of inferiority can lead to depression.
Signs
* Finding fault with others: When people don’t feel good about themselves, they cannot appreciate the good in others. They find ways to enumerate the imperfections of others around. They pull people down for their own benefit. They fake superiority over others by condemning them in public and thus compensate for the feeling of inadequacy they feel. They resort to destructive criticism in order to safeguard their fragile self-esteem.
* Faking superiority: When individuals are aware of their weaknesses and are reluctant to accept them, they start developing a fake feeling of superiority, manifesting in dogmatic opinions, views, and boasts. They try to maintain dominance in conversations, forcing their view on others, and expecting to be out rightly accepted. This is a lethal feeling as they are aware of their inferiority but adamantly put on a mask to cover their complex and appear normal.
* Flattery: People who suffer from an inferiority complex love to be complimented several times. The minute the flattery is over, they crave for attention from others. Desperation also leads such people to speak in such a manner that the other person starts reciprocating with compliments. In some cases, however, they are suspicious of compliments and suspect that the compliments are an indirect manner of reminding them about a deep-rooted flaw.
* Jealousy and unhealthy competition: For people with an inferiority complex, the thought of competition is frightening, especially when the opponent is far better equipped with skills. They are conscious that competition can expose their flaws in public and they are on guard to protect their image.
Overcome them
If you are suffering from an inferiority complex, it’s time you did something about it. How do you break out of such a vicious cycle and begin to develop more self confidence? Here’s how.
* Surround yourself with positive people: An inferiority complex brings in negative thoughts of unworthiness, helplessness etc. The best way out of this situation is to be associated with people who are positive in their approach and motivate you to excel in life. Negative people are sinister in their approach making you feel even more miserable. Get yourself away from such people at the earliest.
*Read motivational books: Books are good companions when you are lonely. They can channelise your thinking process and fill your mind with inspiring thoughts.
* Improve yourself: If you are upset with your lack of confidence, or with your physique, or with your intelligence, don’t worry – these are all things that can be improved, and there are many other ways to boost your confidence. The answer is not to wish that you were different but to take action and turn yourself into what you want to be. Remember, it’s never too late to start and there are plenty of great role models you can look up to, who have achieved a lot at almost every age. Find role models, set goals, and work to make yourself into what you want to be.
* Take up a hobby: The problem with an inferiority complex is that you look at one flaw in your personality or one area in which you are not as talented as you could be, and then you generalise that or inflate its importance so that you completely lose your confidence. The solution then is to find one thing that you are good at, and to get your confidence from that. For instance, choose a sport or activity that you like and constantly involve in it. This gives you a dose of motivation everyday and keeps you engaged.
* Love thyself: We would not need to compare ourselves with others if we are satisfied with our ‘self’. Loving oneself is the first step to achieve confidence and that sets the path for high self esteem. Stop wanting to be someone else.
Just be yourself with your own identity. Someone, probably sometime told you that you were not good enough and you have been carrying that luggage even today. Drop it right now.
There is no harm in improving yourself by emulating others but it’s important in the race that your own unique identity is preserved. Remember you are born original, never die a copy.