When to write off guys!

He’s Just Not That Into You, was a best-selling book discussed on Oprah Winfrey’s show. It also inspired a film by the same title. It soon became a catch phrase meant to save single women and their dating friends a lot of unnecessary heartache and angst.

Described as a reality-check, it debunks many of the myths that women create about men and dating. “The bottom line is that men are not very complicated and there are no mixed messages. If the guy doesn’t ask you out or call you soon after a date, the message is clear and you need to write him off and move on. Harsh, but realistic. He’s just not that into you,” say relationship experts.

For example, after a wonderful first date, Kanchana was so sure that she would hear from Sudhir again that she even confided in her friends that she’d met ‘the one’. Two painful weeks later, when he never returned her calls or messages, she was shocked. “Maybe he went to visit his folks up North and can’t be reached,” said one buddy. “He  must be intimidated by you,” said another. “He may be gay,” suggested yet another well-meaning friend.

No one had the heart to say what they were really thinking. He’s just not that into you. Hard to digest but these six words could actually save women like Kanchana a lot of time, heartache and stress-like yanking a band-aid off quickly instead of slowly and painfully peeling it away.

Sarita and Dev were introduced by mutual friends with a view to hooking them up in a committed relationship. They chatted over coffee and he took her for drive around the City late that evening. She was smitten and thought that he was too. Couple of casual phone calls later, he dropped out of sight coming up with excuses why they couldn’t get together again, citing health, business commitments or travel. Sarita called him incessantly, pestering friends to get them get back in touch and finally wrote a desperate letter to his sister. Someone had to tell her, “he’s just not that into you” so that she could get real and move on.

Student counsellor Nita Roy suggests that “Life is too short to hope for things that aren’t meant to happen, whether it is love, business, jobs or relationships. At the end of the day, you are the one who will suffer if you cling to something that wasn’t meant to be. You need to move on and not get bogged down by something that isn’t going to work out. Having good psychological boundaries, means that if a guy is just not that into you, it’s not your problem, it’s his and you need to deal with the fact. Don’t waste time on a dead-end relationship when you can invest your time and emotions elsewhere,” she advises.

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