“Imagine tickets are being sold for Re 1 plus 2000% taxes. How can they survive?”
“They may start selling groceries on the flight or innovate sandwiches from recycled tyres,” I said.
“I have a winger of an idea…,” said my friend, who faces the spectre of life-long constipation if airlines down their shutters.
“What airlines need is not lower pricing but higher levels of excitement. Something like a hot reality show with the passengers participating.”
“You mean like a Rakhi ka Swayamwar with every passenger being a hopeful? Or a Khatron Ke Khiladi with participants hanging from wings and Praful Patel anchoring the show?”
“You have very sedate ideas,” he said dismissively. “I mean edge-of-the-seat, are-we-crashing-aren't-we-crashing excitement with sex, drama and nerve-wracking suspense.”
“Give me an example.”
“How about a catfight in the aisles with two hostesses fighting for the favours of
the much-married purser?”
“They will get charge-sheeted as soon as they land.”
“How about a sizzling marital spat by the crew with trays flying and juice on many heads?”
“I don't think married couples are allowed to take the same flight.”
Suddenly, he jumped up in excitement, much like an e coli virus on discovering vast tracts of virgin intestine.” How about fisticuffs in the cockpit with an airhostess protesting sexual molestation and the purser defending her virtue.
The captain, who is about to land, is forced to abandon his post and deliver a few crippling punches into the pursers gut. And the co pilot…”
“Sounds like a terrible Ekta Kapoor serial which no one believes but everyone watches.”
“Listen, there is more: the co-pilot who is secretly in unrequited love with the chief airhostess has plotted with the ground staff to tamper with the landing gear. And the aircraft is hovering on the brink of disaster…”
“If I was ever faced with a situation like that, I’d never fly again. I’d take a train even with the Maoists practicing trainjacking.”
“Don't forget that most peoples’ lives are singularly excitement .This will give them something to talk about for the rest of their lives. And then don’t forget the media coverage that will follow with controversies about passenger safety and crew dalliance. Soon there will be waiting lists like in the old days and people calling up Praful Patel to help them get a seat on the Mumbai -Delhi flight.”
“All your frequent flying has addled your mind to the consistency of a runny airline omlette,” I told him.
“This is India. Who will believe all this sexual-harassment in-the-air nonsense?”
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