JOIN USHold the vows, hide the wedding ring
Sania Mirza, India’s tennis ace, recently crashed out of the Pattaya Open, despite getting a promising one-set lead in the US$ 2,20,000 match with rival German Tatjana Malek. This came soon after the announcement that she had called off her engagement with childhood friend Sohrab Mirza.
Some of her fans believe the two events are connected in some way. Rubina Shah, a diehard fan of the tennis star, says: “No young woman can handle a demanding career like professional tennis and an unconditional commitment like marriage. The whole episode must be painful for Sania. She is only 23 years old; she should have waited for some years before thinking of tying the knot,” Rubina observes.
Clearly, the same logic does not apply to the country’s cricketing heroes.
Can’t trash stereotypes?
“Circumstances are different for men and women,” says Pronoti Jethwa, a counsellor. “Men usually win the stakes of career success because they are not ‘homemakers’ or ‘child-rearers’ by social definition. They may help in the tasks of creating a home and even be excellent fathers but they don’t ‘own’ the final responsibility of either. Also, a woman physically bears a child, which means her body, mind and emotions are directly involved in the process. Dividing time and energy between a physically demanding career and motherhood can be very stressful,” explains Pronoti.
Sports stars have to practice for hours to be in the top league. Losing form is a risk they cannot take. Hindi film stars like Kareena Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra, on whose shoulders crores of rupees ride, are equally vulnerable to loss of form and fitness. They have no time for high maintenance relationships. So marriage is a fearsome spectre for them too.
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Unfair, but who cares?
“The career of a Bollywood actress is short as the Hindi film industry continues to be male-dominated. Shah Rukh Khan can play romantic hero at 44, but Kareena or Priyanka won’t be able to play lissome lass for as long as that,” says film director Hasan Raja Ali.
Aamir won accolades and applause for his role as a student in 3 Idiots though, in real life, he has teenaged kids but when Madhuri Dixit, who’s probably younger than him, made a comeback with Aaja Nachle, the film bombed at the box office. Mercifully, things in Hollywood are different. A Julia Roberts or an Angelina Jolie can take a five-year break and still be successful. In India, marriage is seen, by a large majority, as an “ownership statement”. There is the belief (however mistaken) that the man will now control his wife’s life. Is that the reason why girls like Sania and Kareena hesitate to say ‘I do’?
Even small time actresses like Rakhee Sawant are convinced that wedding bells will ring the death knell for their careers. “Marriage is an attractive mirage but it pales when compared to the draw of glamour and big money,” admits an actress.
Single and sexy ups brand value
Women in the world of sports and entertainment in India are under a different kind of pressure. Fame and glamour are extremely fragile and transient. They are constantly pitted against competition every day of their lives. The money involved in their success is huge. Their success can vanish if they lose in the popularity stakes.
“For iconic women, the brand value is high only when they are single,” says Ashwin Sharma, an ad-man. “Most Indian men do not see a woman as an object of their fantasies when she is married. Youth, fitness and glamour are a must for them. Perhaps, this is why super successful women in sports and entertainment industries are extremely cautious when making commitments. Gossip? Yes! But commitment? No! That’s the rule for them.”
Happily ever after
Ace shuttlers Jwala and Chetan Anand got married in 2005. She and V Diju form one of the top mixed doubles teams in world badminton.
“I got married on one condition that my game will be my priority and till I want to play I will give my hundred per cent to badminton. Chetan’s family was quite supportive in that. They realised how important my career was to me and I was lucky in that,” says Jwala.
She insists that both she and Chetan have been doing “much, much better” after marriage.
As for making adjustments in travel and training, she says: “Since both of us play the same sport, we travel together most of the time. That was another advantage for me. So I didn’t have to make any adjustments in that regard.”