Manage your inner critic

Freshers entering careers need guidance on making an easier and more effective transition from being a student to a productive professional, performing to their full potential. One’s inner critic can be the biggest hurdle in overcoming challenges.

Do you often have a voice in your head that’s telling you, “You don’t know anything”, “You are not as smart as you think you are”, “You are going to ruin this opportunity” or even that “You don’t have any business to be here, you are such a fake!” Know that you are not alone. This is the voice of your inner critic. While you probably can’t get rid of it, you can certainly learn to manage it. And you must.

Your inner critic may come in many avatars. It may be a hard taskmaster that says you’re not working enough. Or it may undermine everything you do, minimising all your effort and success. It may be a perfectionist who doesn’t allow you to feel satisfied about accomplishing anything unless the output is perfect, which it rarely is. It may convince you that there is only one way to be, or one way to do things, and that you must conform to all rules, procedures or societal norms. It may send you on a guilt trip because you said or did something wrong, or didn’t do enough. In short, it tries to control you and mess with your happiness.

What makes the inner critic so powerful that you allow it to destroy your peace of mind? If you have grown up in an environment where the elders in your life always criticised you, minimised your successes, ignored your strengths, amplified your flaws and ignored your presence, you may have felt “not enough” and carried those voices with you into your adult life. Sometimes, society, religion, or culture impose very strict and clearly defined boundaries and expectations of how to live and be, which can haunt you if you choose to stray from them. Also, at times of extreme stress, anxiety or depression, you may find your inner critic becomes louder.

So, how do you manage this inner critic and keep it under control, rather than letting it become a monster that controls your life and happiness?

Firstly, recognise it. Know that those questions or negative observations coming up for you are not coming from you, but rather from your inner critic trying to control you. Give it an identity if you like. A name that will allow you to separate it from your thoughts. And befriend it. Welcome it, ask it to sit down, and then tell it to shut up! Let it know that you are the more powerful of the two and that you are in control.

Challenge it. Question what it is saying. Ask it for proof. Try to replace the negative thought with a more positive one. Sometimes, this may not be easy to do on your own, and you may need to seek help from someone you trust (who will also be non-judgmental) or a counsellor who can provide a safe, non-judgmental space, which is essential for personal growth.

Be compassionate towards yourself instead of judging yourself harshly during tough times. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Permit yourself to make mistakes and yet be lovable and feel good enough. Be warm and supportive to yourself. Often, we are our own worst enemies and talk to ourselves in a manner that we would never allow ourselves to talk to another person. Be kind and gentle to yourself and recognise that you are not the only one with imperfections.

Focus on the present. Be mindful. Become an observer of your thoughts coming into your mind’s window and flying out of the window without engaging with them. For example, if your inner critic is telling you that you are incompetent, you can observe the thought come in, tell your inner critic how interesting it is that it thinks that way, and let the thought move on. Focus on the one thing that you are doing presently, and the one moment that you are in, rather than worrying about a future moment or ruminating about a past one.

Be grateful. Gratitude is an attitude that can be developed with consistent practice. Always remember the things that are going right for you every day. This trains your mind to constantly be on the lookout for what is going well, rather than focusing on what could have been better, what is wrong, or what is lacking.

Journal regularly. This helps you organise your thoughts, reflect on them, and gain insight—a valuable tool for self-growth. Write down your thoughts and feelings about your experiences, without any judgment. This reflective exercise helps you concretise your internal dialogue and bring it out from your subconscious, onto pen and paper. And when you confront it in black and white, you realise its irrationality!

(The author is a counsellor and wellness coach)