I became drunk on my own success: Ram Gopal Varma on career after 'Satya'

Mumbai: Filmmaker Ram Gopal Varma says he cried while watching "Satya" when it re-released last week after 27 years because he realised he had become drunk on its success and his later films, gimmicky and with shock value, didn't have the same "honesty and integrity".

Varma, considered one of the most original voices in Hindi cinema in the 90s and 2000s with the success of "Rangeela", "Satya", "Bhoot" and "Sarkar", later came to be associated with mediocre projects such as “Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag”, his remake of “Sholay”, "Rakta Charitra” and “God, Sex and Truth”.

He admitted as much on Monday in a long post on X, titled "A Satya (true) confession to myself", in which he bared his heart.

"When the bright lights of a 'Rangeela' or a 'Satya' blinded me, I lost my vision and that explains my meandering into making films for shock value or for gimmick effect or to make a vulgar display of my technical wizardry or various other things equally meaningless and in that careless process, forgetting such a simple truth that technique utmost can elevate a given content but it can’t carry it."

Admitting that he had lost his way, he said some of his later films might have been successful but he doesn't believe any had the same "honesty and integrity" of "Satya".

Varma said he started crying when he watched the cult hit ahead of its January 17 re-release and recognised that the tears were not just for the film but for "what happened since".

"... I ignored the countless inspirations it sparked by dismissing it as just another step in my journey towards an objective less destination... I didn’t understand why, with all my so called intelligence, I did not set this film as a benchmark for whatever I should do in the future.

"I also realised I didn’t just cry for the tragedy in that film but I also cried in joy for that version of myself.. And I cried in guilt for my betrayals of all those who trusted me due to 'Satya'. I became drunk, not on alcohol, but on my own success and my arrogance though I didn’t know this till two days back," Varma wrote.

The 62-year-old equated making films to giving birth to a child without knowing the future. As someone "too obsessed with what's next", he said he forgot to pause and reflect on the beauty he had created.

The filmmaker said his "unique vision" drove him to create something path breaking in cinema but also "blinded" him to what he made next.

"I became a man hurriedly running so fast looking up towards the horizon that I forgot to look down at the garden I’d planted beneath my feet , and that explains my various falls from grace.

"I obviously can’t make any amends now for what I already did , but I promised myself two nights back while wiping away my tears that every film I make from now onwards will be made with a reverence towards why I wanted to become a director in the first place." The filmmaker said he may not be able to make a film like "Satya" ever again but not even having the intention to do so is "an unpardonable crime against cinema".

"I don’t mean that I should keep making films like 'Satya' but, irrespective of the genre or the subject matter, the least it should have is the sincerity of 'Satya'."

Varma quoted an interview of Francis Ford Coppola and recalled how the filmmaker squirmed when a reporter asked him about his films after "Godfather".

"I so wish I could go back in time and made this one cardinal rule for myself that before deciding on any film to make, I should watch 'Satya' once again... If I followed that rule, I am sure I would not have made 90% of the films I made since then." Varma said his post should be a wake up call to every filmmaker who becomes self indulgent.

"Finally, now I took a vow that whatever little of my life is left, I want to spend it sincerely and create something as worthy as 'Satya' and this truth I swear on 'Satya'," he said.

Actor Manoj Bajpayee, who rose to stardom with his role of Bhiku Mhatre in the 1998 film, hailed Varma for courageously reflecting on his "life and work so ruthlessly". "And the courage and fearlessness you always had in abundance!! Not everyone can be You@RGVzoomin you are a special talent and a rare human with your own uniqueness!!! Thank you for just being you!!"

Varma returned the compliment and said, "Well Bhiku Bhai thanks, like I already promised, you will see a brand new me and if I fail to do so, you can shoot me in my head."