On the road to happiness...

Accepting who we are, our own thoughts, feelings, and occasionally even our flaws and faults, as well as accepting the things in life that are out of our control, could lead to peace and happiness, writes Advait Kottary

Advait Kottary

A floral scent, a ray of sunshine, a decadent dessert, and the sound of flowing water; all sound like the setting for a beautiful day, doesn’t it? But what you’re looking at are some ingredients for the most beautiful and elusive commodity going around — happiness.

Okay, I’ll admit, though science says these things make us happier, happiness is a way, way more complex feeling than a sugar rush, or a slice of wilderness in our concrete habitats. Everyone wants a bunch of different things from life, but the one desire we all have in common is happiness. In a few years, our holiday photos will probably evolve from beaches and mountains to planets and moons as we vacation amongst the stars, but while humanity is making these giant strides towards achieving the impossible, doing all these amazing and fascinating things, are we any closer to understanding our own feelings?

Are we any closer to being happy and fulfilled? Probably not, I hear you say, and you’d be right. As the world around us gets smaller, more connected, chaotic and complex, our minds are exposed to far more information and stimuli now than they ever were before, and it’s only going to increase. It’s easy to understand why anxiety and depression are on the rise as we struggle to keep pace with everything that’s happening around us, most of us find ourselves with less and less time to lend to activities that aren’t “productive” in an effort to be as efficient as possible. And so we plan a variety of quick fixes in our lives as we ride one hit of dopamine after another, sending our minds on a constant rollercoaster of elation and disappointment.

It’s way too tiring to be sustainable. Stacie Orrico hit the nail on the head when she sang, “There’s gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me…” That’s a feeling that sounds all too familiar, that hits us when we’re doom-scrolling, or hunting that instant gratification of bagging an online shopping “deal”. Truth be told, we’ve all fallen for the biggest trick in the book: believing that happiness can be found outside of ourselves, and that’s because most of us ignore what’s within.

Enter Spirituality. Ah, the S-word. Like happiness, it’s got different meanings to different people, but its aim is always to find ourselves. I know that sounds vague, but it’s more methodical than the term might suggest. It’s an inner sanctuary where we explore our beliefs, values, and desires, peeling back the layers to reveal our true selves. It’s like discovering more and more about ourselves so that maybe we can construct a life around us in harmony with our nature, and that all starts with spending a few mindful minutes with ourselves every day. Of course, the thought of spending more time with ourselves away from the “outside” world probably gives us a few reminders of the torrid time we spent in seemingly endless lockdowns, but if there was ever a reminder that we need to slow down, and practice a certain degree of acceptance and surrender to our circumstances, that was probably it. Who knows, maybe if we had spent some time getting to know ourselves through mindfulness, maybe it could have felt less like solitary confinement in a padded cell. But mindfulness is a word that gets thrown around a lot. It’s like truly paying attention but in a deeper way. Being fully present, immersed in the moment means we can truly experience that moment for what it is. It’s the exact opposite of the glorified activity of multitasking, and involves awareness of ourselves and the way we feel, in relation to the world outside of us. That’s all well and good, but what’s the point of all of it, I hear you ask. Well, if we think of happiness, peace and satisfaction as the destination, mindfulness and acceptance are probably the best roads we can take to get there. And that’s acceptance of ourselves, our own thoughts, feelings, and sometimes even our shortcomings and mistakes, as well as acceptance of the things around us that we cannot control. Of course, intrinsically, we all know this in our minds, but reminding ourselves of it through routine and practice helps, kind of like we stretch before and after every workout… And we keep at it till we find that the more we look within ourselves, the less we need to look outside in our quest to be happy and fulfilled. Only you know you, and only you can. Perhaps this is what the great Gautama Buddha meant when he said, “Aapo Deepo Bhava”, which literally means, be your own light. So here’s to you, you awesome firefly, as you illuminate and forge your own path to bliss…

(Advait Kottary is a London-based actor and writer. He has just published his debut novel, Siddhartha (Hachette India), a fresh perspective on the life of the Buddha as he relives his journey to, and beyond, enlightenment.)