Experiencing sadness after sex is not uncommon. There is a condition called Postcoital Dysphoria (PCD) or “post-sex blues” where a person feels sad, anxious, agitated or starts crying after having sexual intercourse with or without orgasm. In a study conducted by the University of Technology–Queensland, Australia in 2015, it was found that 46% of 230 women had experienced symptoms of PCD in their life.
In 2018, a similar study done on men by the same university found that 41% of 1,208 men had claimed to have felt symptoms of PCD.
Sex should be enjoyable and should make a person feel happy and relaxed.
When a person feels sad after enjoyable sex, it can cause
confusion and worry within a person.
It is important to note that Postcoital Dysphoria is not a result of a lack of intimacy in a relationship.
A person may have a healthy and loving relationship with their partner and yet feel sad, anxious or depressed after intercourse. These feelings can last anywhere between five minutes to several hours after sex.
Symptoms of PCD
Different people have reported feeling different things after intercourse that are related to PCD. Here are some of the things people have felt after a consensual and satisfying sexual experience:
Tearful
Sad
Regretful
Guilty
Irritable
Moody
Worthless
Shameful
Anxious and
restless
Fatigued
Why does PCD happen?
The scientific community are not sure why PCD happens and what really causes it. We do have some theories which may be worth exploring and which may be the cause of PCD. Some of these theories are:
If there are underlying mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. At times a person who is battling mental illness can experience a drop in mood and a spike in negative emotions after sex.
If there are deep traumas and past sexual abuse, even in childhood.
Postnatal depression: Women diagnosed with postnatal depression are more likely to experience symptoms of PCD.
If someone views sex as being dirty and is not fully mentally convinced of it being a wonderful and loving act.
If it is against someone’s set of values. If there are thoughts of feeling lonely or abandonment after a casual hook up.
If there are unfulfilled feelings.
If expectations are not met.
If a “check-in” on the sexual experience and the feelings of a person are not discussed with each other right after intercourse, there is a lack of emotional intimacy and even a lack of hugs and cuddles after sex can make a person feel unloved and uncared for.
If you feel you have PCD you need to ask yourself some of these questions and introspect:
How do you view sex?
When do you feel sad or unhappy (before/during/ or after sex)?
Have you felt like this in the past when you were not being sexual?
Are you attracted to your partner?
Is there something you are not happy about?
Are you holding onto past
emotional trauma or pain?
Do you feel dissatisfied?
Are you forcing yourself to
enjoy sex?
Are you having relationship problems?
Negative effects of Postcoital Dysphoria
If PCD is ongoing and is ignored or left untreated it can result in the following:
It can continue to ruin a delightful sexual experience.
It can increase pre-existing mental health conditions.
It can cause or increase fights within partners.
It can destroy a relationship or marriage.
It can cause avoidance behaviour when it comes to intimacy and sex.
How to manage
symptoms of PCD
Talk to your partner and seek their support.
Increase awareness in your partner about PCD.
Divert your mind from unwanted negative thoughts which may be contributing to making you feel sad.
Write your thoughts down in a journal or a thought diary.
Watch a comedy flick or something which is going to uplift your mood.
Do some breathing exercises.
Listen to music you enjoy (no sad songs).
Engage in any activity which is going to demand you to focus and take your mind off negative thoughts.
If you notice PCD becoming a recurring event in your life, it would help in reaching out to a mental health professional who can work with you to identify any underlying cause for your feelings.
There are many options like counselling and psychotherapy which can explore possible reasons for PCD and help you to overcome it to feel good again and make your intimate moments more meaningful and enjoyable.
(The author is a
psychotherapist.)