Through the looking glass

Are men and women wired differently? Nayare Ali has some interesting theories in the ongoing gender debate that places the male species as inherently sexual beings

The book Through a Man’s Eyes: Helping Women Understand The Visual Nature of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn and Craig Gross talks about how and why men and women are wired differently. It says that the structure of the male brain has a distinct chemical-hormonal mix making it impossible for a guy not to be visually oriented, whereas female brains are wired for emotional and verbal processing.

Apparently, the man’s nucleus accumbens lights up when he sees an attractive or sexily dressed lady while women are more matter of fact in their reactions. Most guys like looking at women and imagining them naked even though they may not actually do anything about it. Jewellery designer, Preeti P Mittal concurs with the philosophy that the brains of men and women are wired differently. “When a man looks at a woman, as long as it’s done subtly, I do not consider it bad male behaviour. Looking is fine, the way you look is a matter of respect and basic social manners/etiquette. If we speak generally, modern and ancient times views can be different because they are influenced by culture, tradition and conditioning. However, we are discussing the way men and women are wired which is factory settings. Hence, the theory holds across times, so far,” she says.

Rigid stereotypes

These are clearly rigid stereotypes that define the way men and women are created. Or is this just an excuse to overlook bad male behaviour? Mallika Patri, consultant psychiatrist and psychotherapist opines, “While human curiosity and visual stimuli have a natural pairing, socialisation determines reactions. Not all men gawk at a woman walking by. If visual stimuli creates a visceral, impossible to suppress reaction in the male species, then it wouldn’t explain why a woman in Delhi dressed in jeans and T-shirt waiting for a bus gets ‘the once over’ by everyone, while she may register in a Swede male’s visual input only to determine if she was in the queue before or after him for the bus.”

Interestingly, it says that a man’s inner insecurities stem from a need for appreciation and feeling inadequate about being a good partner that makes them seek validation in a pretty face. Not all men act upon the desire beyond looking. Whereas a woman does not dress sexily to seek sexual attention; it is more about feeling good and confident about herself. Sociologist Niveditha Menon asserts that explaining anyone’s behaviour is not as easy as looking into their neurons and figuring out what trips or excites them. “Of course, we are biological creatures — we are housed in our bodies — but we are also deeply social creatures. One cannot be seen without the other. So, sure men can be visual creatures and women can be emotional ones, but the question is — some women can be very visual creatures and men can be very emotional. There is a normal curve of characteristics in every population and women and men both fit in it. Just because we think of men and women as separate does not mean that they are. Our experience of men and women is diversity and yet, we tend to put them in boxes and compare them. It is not a useful exercise in understanding gender, from what little I know,” she adds.

Repression

There is an interesting study that points out that when a man is confronted by a sexual trigger (for example, a woman wearing a low-cut blouse), all the efforts he puts into honouring that woman and not letting his mind go in a sexual direction cancels out his ability to concentrate on other things, like what the woman is saying.

Nisha Jamvwal, a brand consultant, has an interesting perspective when she reveals, “More and more I find men able to be stimulated and attracted to an exhilarating mind rather than just a pretty face or curvaceous body. As for men being sexual beings inherently, I find women growing into individuals who are no longer as repressed as they were in the 19th and 20th century, but beings who can express their growing sexual appetites dignifiedly and expressively without stigma or shame.”