JOIN USHelp at hand for solo diners
Would you rather skip lunch than go to the office canteen alone? Do you offer to buy tea for random co-workers so that you don’t have to stand at the corner stall all alone? If, heaven forbid, you do end up dining alone at a restaurant, does the food take an abnormally long time to slide down your throat?
If you are nodding your head in agreement to the above, welcome to the world of people who suffer from solomangarephobia — the fear of eating alone in public. Those who have this have absolutely no problem eating alone at home but it is almost impossible for them to do it in public.
It is not a matter of not being comfortable in their own company; rather they are worried about what others might think of them. Most people with solomangarephobia think the entire world is judging them when they eat alone, and viewing them as sad, friendless people who couldn’t even get a friend or partner to eat with them.
“I am pretty extroverted when it comes to talking or speaking in public but when I have to eat alone, I panic. I feel everyone at the restaurant or cafe I am at is staring at me, watching how I eat and drink. I somehow cannot place the order without hyperventilating,” says Abhilasha Daga, PR and events consultant.
If she has to eat alone, she prefers places where people know her, and she tries to pass the wait time by listening to music or working on her laptop. “I opt for the corner-most seats where visibility is probably zero. Sometimes, when I am travelling to different cities, I parcel my food and eat in my hotel room. If I have to eat outside, I don’t order food that requires a lot of cutlery; I opt for items I can eat fast, like finger foods,” she says.
Simonti Majumdar, marketing professional, points out that for most people who stay away from family, eating alone is a way of life; they can’t possibly find a partner or companion for every meal. But that realisation doesn’t stop her from panicking if she has to eat alone.
“It’s highly improbable that others will look at you and think ‘You look like a loner’ or ‘You poor soul,’ but for people like me, it feels as if all eyes are on us. In such situations, I just plug in my bluetooth headset and start watching ‘Friends’ — that’s my comfort sitcom and I can watch it anytime, anywhere,” she says.
Anish Singh, who works as an analyst at an IT firm, says that if he has no option but to eat alone, he picks a seat which faces the wall. “But if I am travelling, I have walked into a lot of restaurants and have never given it a second thought. It is usually in public spaces, like the office, where I am a familiar face, that I find this to be a problem.”
He adds that if he sees someone eating alone, he mostly makes it a point to join them, since he “understands what they are going through.”
Deepali, student, is emphatic in her dislike for eating alone in public. “It’s so uncomfortable. Sometimes I have skipped eating, even if I felt I was going to faint, and waited to get home and then eat,” she says, adding that she would struggle to finish the food anyway if she were outside.
Her experience has even led her to consider turning this fear into a business opportunity. “Someday, when I have gathered enough investment, I want to open a loner’s dining restaurant, where anyone can eat alone without the feeling of being judged,” she adds.
The fear of eating alone usually has a lot to do with image consciousness, says Shreya Chatterjee, consultant psychologist, Mindscape Clinic. “It leads to the fear of being judged by others. It all points to deep insecurities,” she says.
To rectify this, the person needs to build more self-worth.
“Once you figure out the trigger, you can start making small experiments, which includes going out to eat by yourself once a week. It means breaking your existing belief system in a healthy way,” she says.
How it pans out
A professional working on MG Road had this to say about the fear: “Now, I myself have this fear — I would rather stay hungry or order in than go somewhere and eat on my own. In a desperate bid to prove that I don’t need anyone else’s company to accomplish such a seemingly simple task, I went to a cafe once. Just for a cup of coffee. By the time the coffee arrived, I had called my friend over the phone and begged her to talk to me till I gulped down the scalding liquid and bolted from the place.”
How restaurants welcome solo diners
Many restaurants are aware of the problem, and are doing their bit to make single diners feel comfortable.
The solutions range from shorter menus to staff trained to chat with single diners.
“We have introduced quick lunch meals, keeping the shoppers and corporate professionals in mind, typically solo diners. The menus are shorter so the diner doesn’t take too long to decide; the entire meal takes about 40 minutes; plus we are centrally located so everyone has easy access,” says Shwetesh Priyam, general manager, Yauatcha Bangalore and Kolkata. Yautacha is a fine-dining Asian restaurant.
“We also have a community-style table — people can sit by themselves and still not feel isolated. This helps them engage in conversations with fellow diners,” he says.
Smaller serving sizes are another way to address the problem. “We have a sushi conveyor belt and notice a lot of people coming by themselves to grab some sushi on this counter; which is pretty much like community seating. We also have a vast nibbles menu with slightly smaller quantities. This is also aimed at people coming in to eat by themselves,” says Amit Ahuja, owner of Lucky Chan, dimsum and sushi bar, Indiranagar.
“We’ve curated a dining experience for guests that goes beyond food and drink. An intimate seating arrangement offers them a chance to mingle with our team while having a cocktail,” says Gopikrishna, founder and managing partner, 21st Amendment.
Raahi has a section called ‘small plates’ suitable for single diners. “We stock magazines and art books and try to keep them engaged, by making sure that the manager, bar manager and the chef go to the table and make conversation. Also, the fact that we have a casual outdoor space is attractive for people who want to dine alone,” says Hitesh Tulsani, operations and sales manager, Raahi.
Solo diners don’t remain solo diners for ever, some restaurateurs say. “Solo diners come in all the time. Later, they become so comfortable that they make friends; now there are communities of such people, since we launched 10 years ago,” says Chethan Hegde, partner of pub 1522.
What can you do if you have to eat alone
* Stay focused on the food
* If possible, pick a seat by the window or at the counter
* Take a book to read
* Watch a movie on your phone
* Get on a phone call with a loved one
* Eavesdrop or people watch (don’t quote us here!)
Restaurant solutions
* Smaller portion sizes
* Community seating
* Staff trained to chat
* Books and magazines