A chronicle of embarrassments

RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE

The first striking embarrassment in service for me was when we were in the National Academy. During the Bharath Darshan tour at Jabalpur, I boldly climbed the bus to upload our luggage. Maybe the idea was to impress the girl probationers waiting down.

Halfway through, my tight pants split into two and most of the parts to be covered in the body got exposed. But my friends were graceful enough not to utter a word or burst into laughter.

Another was when I reached Bijapur for the training. I was expecting a big reception was I was an IAS probationer. To my embarrassment, an old revenue inspector with a battered horse-drawn vehicle was waiting for me in the railway station.

During my training at Bijapur, I visited a treasury where the constable on duty saluted me raising his gun and beating his breast. Not knowing how to respond I also went on beating my breast. After a few minutes, the young tahsildar who escorted me told me to stop. He was laughing so were the spectators seeing the gaffe made by the IAS probationer.

A public embarrassment I experienced was when Devaraj Urs shouted at me at a public function: "What kind of a Deputy Commissioner are you?" when I could not give him a pen when he wanted one. My own pen was picked up from my pocket in the crowd. I did not mind as he loved me and I respected him.

After being posted to Bidar as Deputy Commissioner, I was called for a meeting in Bangalore. Young and unmarried, I decided to visit a nightclub as music and dance were available nowhere except in Hyderabad. I took a friend of mine, the District Medical officer for this adventure, we chose Talk of the Town, a well-known nightclub at Gandhi Nagar. We paid the entrance charge and took a vantage position in the hall, holding glasses of Old Tavern whiskey.

I was trying to be incognito by wearing a black sweater and covering my face with a shawl. At the peak of performance, a man came, bent on our table and asked "Mathai sar allava?" in Kannada. I just shouted "Which Matthai sar?" and ran away leaving the half-finished whiskey.

My first foreign visit was to Seoul, the capital of South Korea. We were located at the mighty Seol Sheraton sprawling over 150 acres of man-made garden and forest. We were called guests by the Hotel. In my luxurious room, I was excited to see the fridge and table stacked with the best of liquor and chocolates. I consumed them to my hearts' content without looking at the price tag and thinking they were all free. The foreign exchange allotted to us as an allowance was meagre. I was in a real trap, but my friends laughed at my plight and paid up when the huge bills were slapped on me.