When things seem bleak, having the right frame of reference matters

A miniscule virus has literally halted human activity world-over, something unimaginable even a few weeks ago. Anxious thoughts cloud your mind every now and then.

“What if I get the virus?” You hope your grandmother, who is living alone in another city, doesn’t succumb to it. You worry about your parents and friends.

As you are holed up in your home, you castigate fate. “Why did this virus have to ruin my final-year exam? Now, I may not be able to go abroad for my master’s. I am so unlucky.”

“How will I get a job when the economy is going to nosedive?”

Deep down, you know that concerns about exams and job prospects are insignificant when people are battling for their lives. Yet, you can’t help feeling peeved and wishing you were either a year older or younger. “Why is my batch so unlucky?” you bemoan.

In addition to unsettling your life, the coronavirus has also postponed the Tokyo Olympic games by a year. In these uncertain times, we can glean an important life lesson from Olympic winners. For the vast majority of people, an Olympic medal is beyond our wildest reckoning. But setting aside your lack of sporting prowess, would you prefer to win a silver or bronze medal at the upcoming Tokyo Games (Corona virus permitting)?

Without losing a breath, did you opt for the sterling prize? Research in psychology, however, indicates that bronze medallists are happier than those who get silver. Why might that be?

Science journalist, Jason Goldman, explores this phenomenon in an article in Scientific American. He cites the work of psychologists Victoria Medvec, Thomas Gilovich and Scott Madey, who coded the facial expressions of winners, right after their events and then again at the victory stand. Unsurprisingly, the gold medallists appeared the most euphoric. But intriguingly, those who won bronze seemed more content than those who placed second.

The researchers attribute this puzzling result to a pan-human tendency to engage in counterfactual or “what if” thinking.

Soon after the finals, a silver medallist is likely to deconstruct his or her performance to figure out why he or she missed the gold. On the other hand, the bronze medallist is probably thankful to even be on the victory stand as he or she probably compares himself or herself with opponents who didn’t get a medal. Thus, objectively speaking, even though silver medallists perform better than those who come third, their frame of reference sets them up to experience less positivity as they make upward comparisons.

In contrast, the bronze holders, by virtue of making a downward comparison, are thrilled with their outcome.

The silver vs bronze effect has an important lesson for all of us. When we are down in the dumps, we need to watch ourselves engaging in counterproductive thinking. “Why did this virus have to come in the year of my graduation? I am so unlucky.” “If the economy was in robust shape, I would have got a great job.” These examples indicate that the person is comparing one’s present lot with more gleeful outcomes of what could have been.

Instead, if the student assures oneself, “Before the virus uprooted our world, I thought my exams were the most important thing in life. Now, I realise the significance of each day that I get to spend with my grandmother.”

Likewise, the student may console oneself, “I may not be able to go abroad for my master’s. But at least I won’t have a huge loan to contend with. Besides, everyone in my family is safe so far.”

When things seem especially bleak, as they are likely to feel now, remember that your perspective on the situation contributes considerably to how it appears. If you are downcast about being locked in with parents 24/7 and an irritating brother, check whether you are adding to your woes by fixating on upward comparisons.

The economist, Richard Layard, argues that television, (and nowadays social media), impacts our happiness “by raising our standards of comparison.” Instead of always gauging your happiness by a yardstick pointing skyward, perhaps, you can list out what’s going right with you. Even in these precarious times, compel yourself to count your blessings.

Reframing a ‘hopeless’ situation through a more charitable and compassionate lens will help you tackle it more adroitly while increasing your sense of contentment.

(The author is director, PRAYATNA)