The verb of all things

Lately, it occurs to me that poor Wren and Martin might have had their grammar theories upended in today’s world. Why? Because we seem to be moving to a world where nouns are constantly morphing into the verb form. In a sane world, they would remain in the noun form, but lately they’ve all taken a verb avatar.

What on earth am I saying, you might wonder. Let me explain myself.

But before that, I’m feeling a little peckish. Let me Swiggy myself a snack. After all, once I Swiggy, the day becomes an open canvas and I can sketch it anyway I want to. Swiggy tells me so: ‘joh chahe karo’, they exhort me.

Food reminds me. I need to find a good restaurant near home for that meeting with Jyothi next week. I’ll Google it right away!

My food has arrived and it looks so good. I definitely need to Insta a picture. I truly believe the world cares deeply about what I’m eating. The dessert is a much larger portion size than I expected. Perhaps I’ll split it into two portions and Dunzo the second portion to a friend.

Before I leave for my client meeting, I’ve got to share that Excel sheet with my colleague. Maybe we’ll just Zoom later and I’ll take her through it.

I must also remember to Facetime my sister before dinner. There’s so much gossip I’ve got to share with her and I want to show her my new earrings as well.

Oh! I forgot to mention what I Tweeted. I called out the gamesmanship of a popular tennis star, and I, whose twitter comments must be the most ignored in the world, suddenly see 30 of his fans hurling insults at me. Me being trolled! Clearly, I have arrived. Let me enjoy my 15-minutes of fame.

Having rude comments sent my way is not fame, you say? Well, beggars can’t be choosers. I’ll take the attention - in any shape or form! And do try not to rain on my parade.

What plans for the weekend, by the way? Me? I’m just going to Netflix. Or YouTube my favourite channel. I know I should be finishing chores and buying groceries. I’ll WhatsApp my location to the grocer and GooglePay him later. And anything he doesn’t have, I can always Blinkit and it will reach home in minutes. There’s much to be said for our start up culture. It indulges the lazybones in me.

All this talking and I’ve discovered I’m running late for my meeting. Worse, I don’t even know if there’s parking where I’m going. No worries: I’ll just Uber it!